"Unanswered questions, I look but nothing's here. The searching of what I am becoming isn't clear. But You never give me up. All my failures and all the mess I make can never separate me from the Love You gave. Your plan has no mistakes. I hear Your voice and that's enough for me to rise again. I will rejoice in perfect strength I gain. Even through the storms and crashing waves the goodness of my God will keep me safe. So I'm taking steps on the water for Your hand is holding me. Every move I make will testify Your miracles that none can deny. So I'm taking steps on the water I no longer am afraid- You are with me"
팀 the singer sang this song and I heard it for the first time in 2008 when he launched that album. I really cherish the lyrics of this song now.
Today the Lord led me to Hebrews 10 about how the Lord will always keep His promises to us and then a little hummingbird showed up outside my window as I read it this morning. Hee hee. His eye is on the sparrow and hummingbirds...and me. ^_^
I have to admit though that getting over being dumped via whatsapp and email and losing a best friend all at the same time sucks big time. Even though a whole bunch of stuff happened with work and family- this seems to be the biggest mountain I have yet to surmount. Lol. I think mainly it is because it is the first time such a thing has occurred to me. I have already been conditioned that work and family will have their moments over the years. So it's normal. But to have someone say "I love you" to you and then behave in exact contrast to those words just hurts.
I had to struggle through the issues of self esteem and unworthiness in the first part then the feelings of guilt and whether I could've done something to change the outcome of the current situation.
Women were created to withstand the greatest heartaches and survive. Lol. Captivating said that. Maybe many years from now I will read all these posts and LOL at them cause it would only be a small blip in the overall blueprints and plans of God.
But for now, it sucks. >.< It is ridiculous to miss someone who doesn't make an effort to reconnect or talk things through. But I do, cause like I said, for me- Love is a lot more than words. It is a lifestyle I chose to live for God. And yes, although I do not even hold a single shred of hope of ever seeing this person again, I do believe in him. That the strong and courageous part of him will see things as they are and not through the perceived way in which things were. I do wish to ask his forgiveness for unleashing my fury at him in such a manner. Yes, I strangely and inexplicably still love him. After repeatedly trying to destroy all thoughts and feelings over the last 3 months. After daily surrendering him to God, I still end up with this silly...dun-even-know-what-this-is. Lol! How?
"Holy Spirit, please help me move on"
Oh!!! I will blog the message from Riverlife soon. =) It was a really good message for me in my season.
GIGs. Please pray for me. ^_^
/edit: a sparrow was trapped in the raffles place underpass just now. Poor thing! Was trying to guide it towards the exit but it was so disoriented. Poor guy. Anyway. So cuteee!!! It was sooo fluffy!!! Lol. I was just marvelling at how God speaks to me in all situations. If we will just "cling to Him". Thanks Amie- that devotional was perfect. ^_^ my client was talking about what a person believes- if he or she would believe in something, anything...it becomes a self- fulfilling prophecy. Whatever you choose to believe, you become. Whatever you choose to believe about a situation shapes your perceptions, decisions and then behaviour. You have a choice. I choose to rejoice no matter what. =)
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