Engkau besar

hi guys and girls! haven't been online for quite sometime eh? MERRY CHRISTMAS (BELATED) and a happy new year! [selamat natal dan tahun bahru 2007] hey van thanks for the greetings. anyway! time for an update!!!

was occupied all the way from the 18th-22nd of dec (therefore no internet usage-collapse due to exhaustion @ the end of each day..lol) in school helping out with orientation camp. Has been great. Got to spend more time with pennywenny (onoez) and got to know the games comm (nic, vic, kermit, dave..lol). I love you ppl. ^_^ "in games we trust..(my foot)" LOL. erm, significant things to note in that week, met miriam...haha...JON!!! PIX PLEASE! spent time with jon and yessie again.. ^_^ and daphne lim rescued me. (loooveee)

yeah. so for the better part of my last 7 days, I was in Indonesia. [yes iain-indonesia, amrit land] so on 22nd night, we arrived in jakarta. loved it a lot. it was a weird thing to experience, but my spirit felt like it came home (I owe to the bit of me that has indo blood...lol) and it has been 10 years since I last stepped into indonesa. anyway, loved jakarta..23rd we had a tour of jakarta by car (no amrit, we did not enjoy the jams...but we barely had them... the cars just don't like you la) but it was super hectic. Daddy spoke at 3 services. One in an AOG church towards the highway going towards bandung...(forgot the name of the area.. starts with a G though. lol.) then at 2 gereja bethel international churches. we did ministry to the pastors and their family. Like ALL of us. kids included. I really was touched by ibu dianna's life and was really glad that we got a chance to minister to her. (SHE KNOWS BENNY HINN!!!) hahaha... one thing about asian hospitality though... we keep feeding ppl. So guess what? I got fed. lol. A LOT. ohohoh!!! and I saw wawan yap and joy tobing (INDONESIAN IDOL! ) serving at the 2nd service-at GBI.. and Rudy Hartono! hee.

so anyway. we moved on to puncak on christmas day... ^_^ It was COOL. I spent the whole day sleeping with windows and doors open. haha. couldn't help it. was sooo tired from jakarta's meetings. then we got driven to bandung the very next day.. =_=" travelling all the time. met crystal and family... (cue photo)

yep. this was on the way back to jakarta from bandung. this was also AFTER I could finally hold down my food without puking, my whole family came down with food poisoning (and were constantly throwing up) in bandung. This photo was taken when I was MUCH better and the wind from the highway was making us high. LOL.

So reflections:

Indonesia is an incredibly interesting place (like I was telling mel) the rich are super rich and the poor are super poor. and they live side by side. Like you see a HUUUUUUUUUUGGEEEEEEEEE and I mean HUMONGOUS MANSION next to really poor, water logged slum area. (And I get what sugi meant about the 12 foot glass windows. lol) Because of us all falling sick, we didn't get a chance to shop but I still went to see the shopping malls on the last day and OMG. surprise... this is a mall called Ciempelas Walk (or CIWALK)

and well, I fell in love with the people and the country... I mean the way we were taken care of (even though we were sick) really made me appreciate the people who are so willing to serve. And they gave me a good impression of indonesians. It wasn't the big churches, the big houses/ cars or the super rich who bought us gifts and food, etc. But it was the friends we made. They touched me the most on this trip. ^_^ Tuhan membergati! God bless indo. ^_^

Michelle Kwan 1997 Ultimate 4 Pocohontas

Hee hee.. had to post another one-with this vid of Michelle Kwan-she's so INSPIRING! I wanna iceskate now! LOL. But she is an excellent storyteller.

Hark the herald angels sing/ O Come all ye faithful

Just had my bath and chat with parents. Mel's party was grrrrreeaaaat! LOL. I got to see my beloved cousin there. HAHAHA. must be a plus point to see the NS MAN-IVAN. Anyway, new friend made-CLARA (a fellow weirdo) and I got to see DIVA there...lol.. I quote him: you + me + holy spirit = darlene zchech. HAHAHA.

Anyway recap of week so far:

Tuesday- DAPHNE (ANGEL!!! and great help!!) came with lunch for sis and I and actually helped me clear my table!!! (look! clean!)

Posting pic of the "friend zone" ^_^ so proud of it.

recognise (some of) the pictures? Class 3/2 2003, fides, K&K's party, class 4/2 formal pic, SCDF volunteers 2001, me in denver colorado... OH! and then the stuff from friends. The "best friend" candle from sugi, the beaded bear from alex and the box from shwee. These were the stuff that could fit. hee.

Then lyd and I had dinner and worked into the early hours of the morning on proposal and programme for orientation camp 2007. I'm so proud of the (new) revised T-shirt design!!! ^_^

Wednesday- Lyd and I woke up and met in school with tabby, mr lim and sugi for a very productive round of discussions. had lunch at food court. BUMPED INTO JIA LIN AND SAM CHENG!!! LOL. bought a pink tee. went to office. had camp post mortem, evaluation and planning.

Thursday (today)- SHOPPING! Walked to cara's house to wake her up (daphne got there slightly earlier). LOL. got a christmas gift from her. (going to get yours!!) Went shopping in Far East!!! yay! Very fruitful, happifying time. I bought mel's gift (the one I was eyeing), sister's christmas' gift and omg... you HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS!!! lol.. went to a shop and I tried on something I liked...but it was so ex..$49.90 (above $20 budget..lol) but this is the cool bit- the lady came in and said "oh...today is 50% off, cause the shop's closing" WHOA. not only that, she also threw in another item of clothing that cost $25.90 for FREE... cause I liked it. WOW. LOL. so can you imagine how God intervened even while I was shopping? ^_^ So I paid... $19 flat for two items. Talk about the fruits of faithful tithing. hee.

Then came home to change, wrap and write stuff... and went off to Mel's. We had fun eating, carolling, etc..So that's it. I really enjoyed myself tonight. ^_^ hee. erm... chatting with TCC (btw, mel calls you chi chuen too! LOL) OH! And I'm so happy to hear from Jon Soh- yay! you're feeling better..my prayers worked!! hee. I have been youtubing lately and watched some good stuff...like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wazOhkRuySI

Michelle Kwan's 2002 Olympic Exhibition Free Skate Program (I teared.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvGBuNlV5K8

TONY BENNETT, MICHEAL BUBLE, CARRIE UNDERWOOD AND JOSH GROBAN on OPRAH! Singing For Once In My Life... OMG!!! The jazz, swing, country and opera TITANS!!!

You know the interesting thing that is a leftover from the camp? I feel more at peace and more settled in my spirit. It is also so much easier to flow in the Holy Spirit's ways. Very cool stuff. Loving every second the HS brings me through. ^_^ Good night ya'll! God Bless!

Hold You Down -J Lo and Fat Joe

HAHAHA... PACKING ROOM!!!

okay... weird way to start an entry. (hey year 6s-remember this sheet of paper from mr ramesh?) But yeah. My bro walked in and went: AHHH! WAR ZONE! LOL. it's true. I shall post pics of my corner of my room. mind you...both my sis and I are clearing the room, so double what you see on my side. LOL. these are the BEFORE pictures.

When I'm done, I'll post my AFTER photos. [may take a few days] hee.

Went to school today to see mrs macs. lol. had lunch and went for a bit of shopping and ice cream with daphne... walked home after that. LOL. and now packing room. SIGHS. LOOONG WAY TO GO! lol. if you want to spend time with me-i suggest you crash my house and HELP ME with my room. lol. I need to redecorate too! (you might want to be a girl though. hee. metros are welcome. lol)

Anyway.. it's the 11th. Happy anniversary! lol. okok. omg... so much to pack now. I need a bath soon- all that dust. Just uncovered some printed emails from when the OGLs and helpers were communicating last year in the run up to orientation camp. Made me laugh a lot AND miss you guys and gals so much. ^_^ kk, back to packing... God Bless!

christmas songs/ carols

"I'm dreaming tonight of a place that I love

even more than I usually do

And although I know it's a long road back I promise you

I'll be home for christmas

You can count on me

Please have snow and mistletoe

And presents round the tree

Christmas eve is gonna find me

Where the love light gleams

I'll be home for christmas

If only in my dreams"

hahahahahaha.. christmas carols and songs always make me feel better. Lol. so does daphne and natalie (for some reason) hahaha... and THAT KENNETH TAN ah. LOL. I fell off my bed laughing. sighs... just went for an evening walk with cara- to holland v and back through ghim moh. My day was so nice- chatted with jon, miriam and chris before I left for my walk, bumped into cindy, syaz, elaine and kim at holland v and am chatting to nat, daph, iain, jesh, Jon Soh, cara, caleb, (loooong time no see/ hear) and YESSIE!! now. ^_^

Just read my sister's blog: http://www.xanga.com/psychedelicsunshine/

you all should read the latest entry and the quote from ashley jonathon beluca. he passed away this year. (my sister's friend)

Hmmm... God's galaxies are wonderful! WOW. Look at the stars...and the sand- numerous and uncountable. AWE INSPIRING! Jesh and I are just discussing how we want our lives to be in God's will, and are afraid that it isn't. I didn't know we had such similar thoughts. ^_^ (she echoes same words.. i am jesh and i like jam says:ohman, i never thought we'd be on the same wavelengths.) hahahaha..

ok!! gonna be happy!! enjoy the pix of the nebulae!!! I think you can guess which is the rosette nebula!!! lol..^_^ have to see mrs macs tmr. goodnite folks!!! (you're in my prayers... and boy do I have a LONG list tonight... much accumulated from the convos I just had) God Bless!!!

I'll be home for christmas

Ironic as this seems, I won't be home for christmas if things work out for the ministry trip to Indonesia. lol. but I still like the song a lot. hmm.. love the warm, happy, fuzzy feelings that christmas season invokes. ^_^ hahaha. been having fun chatting with people online (and on the phone..lol-omg, we're so silly dolly 9th/19th..sheesh) Let's see what I'm up to as of now-this is called boredom:

1. Mr Goh is in NZ in Picton (at current time, he's on the way to Kaikoura now to see Sperm Whales, Dolphins, Penguins and Gannets..lol) been chatting/ emailing him while he's online. He now claims to have a sacred and royal butt due to sitting on Katherine Mansfield's toilet bowl. LOL. [dun get me started.] He also thinks I'm crazy but romantic for sitting outside my hostel room in the dead of winter looking up at stars.
2. Sean thinks I'm the next stacie orico of asia if I put more training into my vocals.. lol. omg.. dun get me started on that too. lol. and now we're hyper talking about ORU. lol.
3. Wai Leong and I are trying to orchestrate a send off party for the boys who are about to become NS Men. Trying is the word. LOL.
4. Excitedly talking about "my little bride" with sister. lol. we both like the show. hee. it's super hilarious but it seems so paedophilic because of the actress. lol. but funny nonetheless.
5. thinking about conversations. lol. that we had. like how kristi and I would have these crazy convos in the middle of nowhere and how I'd laugh till I cried with others when we saw funny stuff (eg. chris dancing...lol) or how we spent hours in mel's house last year dancing, watching movies, eating and just hanging. how I'd be so happy to see kathi when she would cross paths with me. those LONG evening walks with sarina. the shopping days with penny. the laughter in the library with nat and drish. Iain and hugh poking fun at things they found funny.... hee. daph and I freaking out over bio and me teasing her. the walks home and time spent with cara... laughing non-stop over small silly things or the quiet shared secrets. ^_^ Orientation '06. NZ trip... GMSS reunion. Birthdays... hmm..

I love Decembers. Even though it doesn't snow here and drinking hot chocolate is null and void.. lol. Christmas is a season that allows you to reflect. And how interesting even out of all of this, I still fall back on the words that "God is my stronghold". How apt. Mr Goh, I'm going to go hunt down my piece of night sky okay? I like the rosette nebula.. go check it out.

Call me if you wanna go out ok peeps? lol. sam, let's try to do this within these two weeks before I leave.

to you: if you're reading this- I'm assuming you still do, then I think I have the right to ask "do you still not want to talk to me? are you still mad?" afterall, I did apologise for being harsh and accusatory. (a couple of times) so doesn't that mean the ball is in your court? and.. since you din reply am I supposed to assume that this is how it will end? 2 years gone in a flash-because of some stupid argument that was over something that is over now? Remember I told you that I could let you down too? not to think I won't-and you said you'd understand? I warned you that I'm human. you said you know but I wun let you down THAT badly. right. in any case, frens are supposed to be able to work things through-no matter what the emotions involved are. (sadness/ anger) I'm willing to but afraid to talk to you. You don't seem to want to talk to me at all, that's why. So I'll respect that. you are still special to me-no matter what state our friendship turns out to be. I told you that eventually when you find it in your heart to forgive me, then well.. I dunno la- but at least we wun be like this now. a cold, hard wall in between us for 2 weeks. besides, we made promises, no matter what-no secrets? (I still know too much) lol. and you still have to watch goong with me. haha. so we'll wait and see. or at least I will.

penny's going to japan, the twins are too. and nat soon. anyway, Love and blessings (as usual and) as always. ^_^

Dance with my father-Luther Vandross

I'm back!!! ^_^ haha. I know a couple of you guys and gals have been trying to reach me desperately... sorry, forgot to tell you that one of the camp rules is no use of electronic items-to shut you in with God. so, yeah. lol. AWWW... Sorry sean!!! hahaha...

Answers to tags:

Agamemnon: it was a ball.. it's called prom over here instead. How come you're not coming over for christmas? Your sis will be here for a party at jonathan's you know? LOL.

Li-en: LOL. way ahead of you la dear sister. lol. I know. Shin and CG are darn cute after you watch the character development. LOL. love you.

BLOG POST- my testimony:

There is a saying that goes "Christians are not perfect, just forgiven".

I left for this particular transformational camp in a semi-moody, condemned state and I thought my whole world was crashing down. I know this sounds weird and semi-unestherish.. but I DO go through these periods. And guess what? I found out the reason why I was having these feelings. Turns out that I got promoted to the role of facilitator from that of faciliatator-in-training at this camp. I've always known I was made a sensitive individual and a burden bearer, but not to this extent! LOL. As a facilitator of your group, you've got to be tuned to the needs and the feelings of the members of the group and God was training and developing another area in my life. I found it incredibly easy to operate in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and ended up tuning in to the campers' emotions. It turned out that as I shared how I was feeling, the campers were able to identify the emotions and we shared and prayed about them. That lifted my burdens instantly and caused a great deal of freedom for both myself and the campers. A second thing about this particular camp was the amount of spiritual warfare the committee had to go through in the run up to the camp and it was amazing how God worked through our lives after we fought through. This camp was incredibly intensive and I was set free from two other patterns I could see in my life (ask me, and ye shall receive answers) LOL. anyway, it was an incredibly powerful time with everyone getting breakthroughs and absolutely exhausting. [Orientation camp '06 was a breeze man-compared to this] I guess cause since emotions are involved and you're pouring out your heart as a facilitator, you get drained so easily. But I had a tremendous time with God this camp- being shut in with Him gives you focus and a new ability to face life. I want to talk about samech ( pronounces sha-mec) which means full circle. I started off this year in a group called Fides, which means faith. And all throughout the year I felt my faith tried and tested. To me, one of the most significant things that God did was place me back in "FAITH". haha. It affirmed me and gave me a strength to rebuild and rekindle my walk with Abba Father. It's interesting how as I was here being touched by God, my sister was in Thailand experiencing the same faith building experience. This was indeed a fantastic conclusion to the year of 2006 and I thank God for every minute of it.

So this is addressed to anyone who went through/ are going through what I did... In the words of a song:

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realise what life is all about

It's hanging on when your heart has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

I've seen the light ...

^_^

Turn Around

hi all, last post for a week. Am off to church camp today (later) recap of the rest of the week is as follows: [wait! look at "stephanie sun" ! so pretty this penny..]

Thursday:

picked nat up from her "magnanimous driveway" and went for prata with GCM with cara, her friend and mel. darn funny. ate at the prata place opposite beauty world. dropped at cara's to do a little college search thing. Cara wants me to go Wheaton (IL) lol.

Friday:

went to see mrs macs. spent 2 hours with daph in town just hanging and shopping. bought books, took a bus back and walked to my house. sat in the dining room doing stuff for nat. picked up at 6.15 by mel and iain to go to nat's house. I was navigator!!! (din do a good job-book) lol.

did stuff for lam-IF YOU'RE READING THIS...WE DID STUFF FOR YOU. OMG TAI TAI. SO MA FAN! then we BRASIL-ed. aiyo... the amount of food ah.. 12 types of meat! then went back up to cara's to borrow a dress for nat's bday dinner.

Saturday:

woke up, did worship song selection. went to church. rushed to nat's in a cab. lol. came late. ate lobster linguini...^_^ missed dessert. had to go off to mr loga's wake. yes, ppl. he's gone. spent an hour plus with the family. bath. blogging.

sighs. so I leave without knowing whether I've made peace with some ppl. lol. oh well. we'll see how things go when I get home the day before nat's bday. (yes the real one) erm... OHOHOH!!! Happifying news!!! watched another two cool korean movies. one is called the art of seduction. but it's weird-ish and the storyline a bit warped but highly hilarious. BUT....I liked my little bride the most so far. more than innocent steps. (although I warn you again due to scriptwriting and THAT particular actress-it seems paedophilic) LOL. erm.. tts it from me then. take care, god bless and don't miss me too much! LOL. CHUA LI-EN AND JENNIFER SULAIMAN! we need to go out when I'm back/ you all are free. SARAH WONG-you too! kk. leaving you with pix from prom. (SAM CHENG-THIS IS FOR YOU!)

Don't feel like dancing

haha... "and I don't feel like dancing..." answers to tags before I blog:

priyanka: HELLOOOOOO!!!! hee hee.

jen: wait you mean ask crazy ppl like li-en along? OMG. lol... or my year six classmates? lol.. weird monkey I have as a friend. ^_^

sarah: I'll miss you too. but guess what? since mel is the bridging factor...i'll be seeing you a lot. esp if I get invited to family gatherings.

Okay, so anyway...I brought my brother to lido to see happy feet (again). I know I know...questions running through head.. can practically see em.

1.WHAT was esther doing at a cinema? [well, hey I get let out AFTER EXAMS... and when my dad gives the green light which comes from the direct phone line from up there]

2. HAPPY FEET AGAIN!?! lol. my bro really wanted it. and open season's not til tomorrow. so hey. hee hee. I had a good time freezing my butt off in the cinema though. Brilliant job esther. then he and I walked around, bought his uniform, ate gelato, went underground to popular... erm.. oh.. I BOUGHT HIM a magazine.. *mumbles* da jies of the world.. lol. spending money on younger siblings.. hahaha... but he was happy so I guess tts fine. MET LEONA!!! "save earth-it's the only planet with chocolate!" LOL. I know where that came from!!!

came home and went youtubing. cause when I met mel and iain at serene center, I walked past like some korean movie posters.. and so I youtubed them. I love youtube!!! hahaha. I saw BOTH of them just now. one is "My girl and I" with Song Hye Gyo (autumn in my heart and full house) in it. she's pretty. BUT I DUN UNDERSTAND WHY SHE ALWAYS PICKS THE DYING ROLES.maybe she looks good dying. lol. so needless to say (i've given away the storyline) I liked "Innocent steps" better. ^_^ I'm a sucker for happy endings (again I gave it away) and besides, the guy in "innocent steps" was WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY cuter than the guy in "my girl and I". haha. okay lah. the dude in MGAI was sweet ( I liked the last 2 minutes of the movie best) in the cute, gong kind of way. blur, dunno what's going on... erm. Sweet. but the guy in IS is just... goodlooking. hee. and he dances so well! hah. but talk about mis-matches! the girl in IS looked so young. like looked younger than me. it was almost paedophilic. lol. weird. but I liked the scenes where they gush about each other or he actually has already prepared stuff according to what she asked for. haha. and his reaction when she called him honey. hahaha. so yeah. I had a pretty good time. GOONG's still the best though. hee.

so an update on life-stuff's happened. It always does. but it shows you ppl's character (shows others' mine too) but hey... the ones who truly love you will understand and stick. and for tt I'm grateful to you guys (and GIRLS!) and I hope you will be grateful for me too (someday, ok?) . ^_^ chesonghamnida!

to do list:

1. go out with jen and gang. lol.

2. go out with JESH! yippee!

3. pack for camp.

4. nat's bday party this saturday.

5. prep for worship

6. help orientation camp...no news as of yet.

7. shopping!?! window la.. sighs.

8. meet cafe and the "bump crew" LOL.

9. plans for the future.

As high as the heavens

Hi. so it's one day since lam left. And there is this void in my heart. Which is difficult to fill but everyone's trying to do. weird huh? 2 years so fast. too fast. (been reading penny's blog-dang it! emo all over again)

Anyway, I'm here in my dad's office helping design the camp manual cover and help out with other stuff-yes, I don't get paid...lol.. It's interesting. I've been praying about something and it happened. Not bad. Infront of my face too. hmm.. so...hmm... I'm going for ice cream now!! haha...hi calories. Sokay intending to go walk later. love and peace.

Don't like goodbyes

You know how terrible the feeling of having to see off a classmate whom you've known for 2 years and who's NEVER coming back to Singapore again is? I just saw Lam off at the airport. I cried buckets again. (along with nat and penny and a bit of mel) I'll miss her SO MUCH. My heart felt like it broke just now. Just came home. Decided to dedicate this post to her. KONG LAM-I hope God will bring us full circle again. ^_^ I love you and miss you so. Hugs and kisses and everything else that is familiar to you. OMG. I love you tai tai.

Seasons of love

How do you measure, measure a year?

Or two for that matter?

OMG. It's over.

Grad/prom... year 6. It's over. I'm still in shock. I'm still missing the feeling. My body clock primes me for school. My brain keeps thinking there's chapel. I feel like I'm missing something.

Ack, anyway to cut long stories short, I cried during grad (while giving my speech). It wasn't supposed to happen-but when you type it and when you actually hold the paper and read it out.... and the words take on a new meaning... whoa sheesh. So I cried. Nat has written a brilliant entry: go take a look.

http://aquacity.livejournal.com/61002.html#cutid1

I know you ppl are curious as to what made me cry. so here is an extract of the section that did:

Dearest classmates,
what left an impression on me was the last official day of school. It meant that we weren't ever going to sing the anthem or say the pledge together anymore. It meant that I would not see the people I had spent almost 2 years of my life with almost every day of the year on a regular day-to-day basis anymore.
You were the strangers I played with at orientation last year. You were my classmates that I had bio, lit, geog, gp, chinese and PE with. You were the OGLs I danced beside. You were the ones who made me smile, the ones who made me laugh, the ones who stood beside me, who comforted me when I was down. You were the ones who made my every day worth living, who made school something to look forward to, You helped me out with homework, shared your tears, fears and joy with me. You brought me out, surprised me, prayed alongside me. You jumped up and down with me, taught me how to love myself, sang with me, stressed out with me, shopped with me, went to parties with me. And you never failed to show me what truly beautiful people you were, and still are.

I laughed my butt off at prom. laughed and laughed and laughed. ^_^ must be good to have your mascara and eyeliner coming out all the time due to "tears of joy". OMG. I'll miss ACS International so much. Especially my classmates. haiz.

And so my day has officially started. After prom (1am) we went traipsing around marina aquare...and then took a cab to eski bar to check out the cold room... haha. it's cold. -5 degrees. In prom dresses. lol. and then had porridge at 2.30am. And got a ride home at 3.15am. I took a shower and wiped the makeup off and finally went to bed on my "boyfriend" (the one I come home to every night....hahah) my pillow at about 4am. Woke up at 1.35pm, took a bath (a lot of hairspray ya'll) and then here I am now after clearing email, sharing my lucky draw gift with my dad and thinking that I want to relive SOME of the best memories over and over and over again. pssh. Best two years of my life so far-hands down. Thanks everyone for making it so. love and blessings always.

CELEBRATE!

IT'S OVER!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A LEVELS ARE OVVVVEEEERRR!!! ^_^

hee, and in other news... addressed to gavin-who has been flooding my tagboard.. ^^

- Grad night is this friday from 6-8pm in the school hall.

- Yes, I'm gonna miss you too... obviously. You make things crazy around here.. hahaha...

- I won't close the blog (yet) too busy using this as a tool to disturb you.

SARINA!!! I'M FREE!!! WALKS! WALKS! WALKS! lol.

AGAMEMNON-now the fun begins!!!

so anyway, I have a packed week- but like Vanessa says "NOW I CAN WATCH GOONG ALL I WANT" hahahaha... so yes. thanks to daphne and penny who "brigthened" up my pre-geog life and the G.O. literally. Will blog again soon. Thank You Lord for everything!!! ciao people!!! hee.

Stand By Me-ROCKAPELLA

ROCKAPELLA! ROCKAPELLA! ROCKS MY SOCKS! LOL. WOOT! lol. worth every single cent. hee hee. Okay. You won't hear of me till next wednesday! lol. exams all the way til tuesday. ^_^ love goong (still) love rockapella (A LOT NOW!!!!!!) hee hee.. where in the world is carmen sandiego? lol... met joel there. WOOT. I have ALL THEIR AUTOGRAPHS!!! hee. they got THREE standing ovations!!! hee hee. okok... Lit PRE -2OTH CENTURY TEXTS this friday... LIT UNSEEN this monday and then BIO OPTIONS after that. Then on tuesday, BIO CORE and then 3 HOURS OF 8 ESSAYS-GEOG. bleah. lol... then I'm home free. haha... sort of. super busy after that. Listing now:

1) Graduation ceremony rehearsals
2) Prom (preshopping-lol...and presentations, etc)
3) GMSS (speech for the 25th)
4) Orientation Camp- dancing/ prep [yay-lose weight again!!! haha] (26th-6th nov, 18th -22nd dec)
5) Church camp 4th-7th dec [sorry peeps. AYEP is a no no for me.. iain-Projek Relak is better la.]
6) Missions trip in jan? (hoping so)
7) Holiday in dec? [not sure]
8) Christmas shopping
9) COLLEGE APPS!!! haiz.
10) Sleep? lol... hmmm...

All the best to my peeps who are taking their last papers/ middle papers... not like me... waiting for first paper. Haha... pray for me. *AJA! FIGHTING!* hahahahaha... love love!!! Goodnight and God Bless!!! ^_^

emo playlist

Hi. Short rant. Sacrifice never comes easy. 18 years of being a pastor's daughter and you think I'd be pretty ok by now. But it's not. It still hurts. A LOT. You're wondering what triggered this rant. lol. Iain did. See, he has a secret project that he planned with mel from the 4-7th dec. And guess what? I have church camp on the 4th -7th. Probably last time I get to spend quality time with close friends. Iain goes into army jan 11th. It's not that I don't want to go for the church camp. I really do. I love it and I can see how my life can help others'. But I want to go for "project relac" too. lol. It's easy to see why I had to say "no" to iain. But the struggles that I deal with behind you won't. Sokay. I've always had to sacrifice things that I like the most. Like quality time with friends, movie-going... yes, I'm NOT allowed to go to movies. But my true friends have accepted that. ^_^ they're beautiful people aren't they? haha.. I know I lead a semi-deprived life, but I guess it keeps me on track with God. HE becomes the ONE person I rely on. So for those facing choices and sacrifices that even sometimes your awesome friends can't understand, here's a SHOUTOUT TO YOU: May you have the courage to keep to your path, your eyes on God and your heart given totally to Him. (I'm a real person btw, NOT all my blog posts are happy...lol) Hope this has helped someone. Goodnight.

Thankful

Hey all! ^_^ been blog hopping beside natkwee and have come to realise that a lot of blogs are usually upset and ranting about stuff. hmm.. so I'll type out what I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for:

-my family

- life

- my classmates (spontaneous, fun ppl)

- my schoolmates (hugging, talking, laughing)

- close proximity of the following: sarina, cara, jon, nat

- phone buddies

- long distance best friends (shush yanning)

- smses

-testimonials

- SPARKlers (lol-gmss term) strangers who SPread Acts of Random Kindness

- girl talk time with sister, mel, penny, nat, cara

- letters

- random phone calls from friends I've never heard from in a looong time (see song!)

- movies

-dramas ^_^

- music

- dreams

- activities to keep me occupied (reading, writing, plotting...LOL)

- teachers like miss loh, miss chin, mr er, mr tan, mr goh, mr chua, miss chia :D

- emo ppl who always find ways of making me laugh : kenneth t, kathi

- random things like just chatting to a fren (gavin!!! sean!!!)

- how ppl like feline, kristi, li-en, jen, kane, my OG members always brigthen my day

- being able to be silly infront of ppl and them not caring and being silly back

- laughter, the very thing that adds flavour to life

- books!!!!! ^_^

- flowers like roses, lilies and tulips

- the colour of the sunset and sunrise

- the riches of the earth (gems, oil, natural gas, coal, soil, water...)

- Jesus Christ

- different ideas

- the existence of nature

ok blogging properly now. let's talk about honesty. I was being honest when I told you guys what I did concerning the class activity. You can say what you like, but I allowed the blame to heap onto me. I stated what I thought and what I could and could not do. I also said I chose not to accept the responsibility because I can't vouch for their character. It's true. I can't. I'm not close enough to be able to do that, and from what I know and experienced, I can't vouch for it. Yes, it sounds selfish, it also sounds like I'm being elitist. Fine. But I told you the truth. I also proceeded to give you all the loopholes into the process. So you can choose to use them or just continue talking about me. Which you will. I know this too. But before all of you, my conscience is clear, I would've said to them what I've said to you. Plain and simple and anticipating a slap/ punch/ whatever. Just because I did not have enough faith in them, does not mean you don't. So you can go fight their case, I admit, I am too chicken to do it. Sorry. Like one of you said this is supposed to be a class activity. So make it one. See if you and them turn up at all. Then we talk, make amends, discuss, etc. Haiz. This was supposed to be fun and something that everyone could do together. Even if some of us weren't allowed in, we'd still find ways and means to. And the ideas were open for discussion and improvisation. But we just had to get SOME things down in concrete, like the time, date and the general outline of the activity. In any case, God Bless you.

SIghs. ok. let's get all happy again. I dl-ed 5 episodes of Goong already I think. hee. And I have been updating everything. Like IE 7.0, windows media player, ITUNES, VLC, MSN... lol... had bio with miss loh... haha.. now at least I know where I've gone wrong. hee. and then I walked cara home... had a good time chatting with her etc. lol. on phone with iain and mel now. kk. gdnite. Hope this whole thing gets sorted by a DOTA-ing one.

Ivan & Allison - HIP HOP / RnB

WOOT! So You Think You Can Dance... I like this dance!!! so cool!!! whoo! hee hee.

Centre of my life

Hee. Look at my collage! I think I love PICASA. lol. Faheem just gave me a "WOW!" testimonial... lol... I think he deserves another one from me. Hahaha... So today went out about Singapore with mum. Photocopying/ making sure stuff is straightened out... etc. Yeah. hmmm, in a much better mood-more at peace again. It's like that. When you know you've made peace with God and forgiven by others, that you feel free. ^^ So I'm being all random and happy and high-ish and typing out song lyrics...

Hillsongs London- Centre of my Life

Let my walk speak loud

And my words be true

Let my life be whole

With my eyes on You

Lord I'm stepping out

From the comfort zone

Letting go of "me"

Holding onto You

Freedom comes when I call You Lord

You are Lord, My God

"You are the centre of it all"

the universe declares in awe

Your majesty I surrender all

I'll make You the centre of my life

Lord I respond with all I have

You placed in me the song of Heaven's melody

Your majesty I live to sing Your Song

I have found Your peace

It replaces anything

You have done it all

I can trust in You

And so I'm stepping out

From the comfort zone

Letting go of me

Holding onto You

Freedom comes when I call You Lord

You are Lord, my God

"You are the centre of it all"

the universe declares in awe

Your majesty I surrender all

I'll make You the centre of my life

Lord I respond with all I am

You placed in me the song of heaven's melody

Your majesty I live to sing Your song

This is Your song, not mine

It is Your song that brings healing to this land

This is Your song, not mine

It is Your song that brings freedom

Your majesty, MY LIFE WILL SING YOUR SONG

At the cross/ My Tribute/ Amazing Grace

Haiz, once again. Posting. When anger drains away, you look and reflect. (Thank You Mel) Again I have put my foot in mouth. Again I have to be humbled. And I thought I was angry at someone when it was misplaced anger about myself. It's true. I'm sorry. My very public apology to you and to You.

Firstly to you: Like I said and I will retype it here as stated in my sms. I'm sorry for being judgemental and accusatory and all the things that you said I am. They are true. I'm sorry for not listening, for not understanding, for not being a true friend. Nothing I say can explain or excuse what I said in those smses. I respect and know that your relationship with Father God is a personal and real one. I was too proud and condescending to view you as an equal. And I should've. My hope is that I have not messed things up too badly this time round. [Also, I gave you the reasons why I acted the way I did in my sms-personal, for you to know only.] I ask for your forgiveness. It's true, I don't know you that well, but I know that I don't want to loose you as a friend.

And To You: I should've listened. And that was my weakness. I'm so sorry Lord. I'm sorry for not turning to You like I've always told others to. I'm sorry for being distracted from what I was put here for. To run a steady course. Lord, I know my hope is always in You. I'm sorry for placing others and other THINGS above you. I now know Lord that You have always been my source and my shield. I'm truly sorry for not showing forth Your love and Your light. Dear Lord, I pray that as You've humbled and taught others that You will humble me and teach me Your ways. I'm sorry for not turning my ear and my eyes to You first but becoming obsessed and dominated by other things. Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that all good things come from You and all the good things I have in my life comes from You. Lord I love you-with all my heart. I'm sorry. Qing Ai De Tian Fu, Wo Ai Ni. There is no purpose and no reason for living without You. Father, I'm sorry I wandered away again. Jehovah Rapha, You are my provider and where I should place my hope in. I also ask for Your forgiveness. Lord, let my strength, my intelligence, my personality, my character, my everything be yielded to You for Your use. I rededicate my life and my love to You. Lord, I pray that Your will be done in my life, and that out of this, I can reach others. I'm so sorry Lord.

*tears are refreshing and thoughtful things,

they are the much needed renewed spring,

within us, we are created only for You,

and it is even in tears and sadness that we live

submitted and holy to Your name* -esther 1/11/06

Holy Holy Holy

I must resist... I must resist... (echoing Vanessa's "can't wait til after the exams") ROFL. haha.. I must resist. I'm trying to tell myself I'll get sick of it if I watch it too many times. emphasis on TRYING. Knowing myself, I am NOT sick of it. And I WON'T be sick of it. hahaha.. sheesh. It's just like one of those crazes that I really enjoy. Exam countdown: 1 day for math ppl, 18 days to mine. Haiz. But I need to complete my revision schedule waaaay before that. Ok...good pressure...exams...good university... take burden off parents... lol.. ok... doing good. haha. I've relegated myself to just listening to the OST (Original SoundTrack) now. lol.

Okay, in other news, I FINALLY walked home on Friday! after so many days of haze... thank God for the rains. I felt so happy when I walked home! heehee. Oh...and have been hanging with iain, mel and sugi lately. ^^ They are MY SUNSHINES...lol.. different and more significant meaning for 4-lyfers. (never forget eh?) hahahahaha... they went to NLB today and I couldn't go :( But tts ok... Sabbath. lol. anyway, daddy led worship today. haha... maybe I should state exams as an excuse more often to get dad to lead. haha... good voice deserves more showcasing. :D I miss Nat, Drish, Pen, Daph, Cara and Kong Lam (basically the girls) A LOT. They are a bunch of special people and I really love them a lot.

Oh, and well I guess this deserves mention... hi fi who are you? It seems as if you know sugi and I, and you have been addressing tag posts to me. I mean I'm trying to understand what you're posting but have no idea what you mean. Please contact me...via email or something.. lol... just don't annoy sugi..his exams are sooner than mine :D It seems weird for you to talk to me via his blog's tagboard anyway. lol.

Hmm...STEPHEN SENG!!!! lol... his display pic of GMSS 4/2 taking a pic of our feet on the blue line bus in 2004 triggered off MANY happy memories. (vic, yessie, deb, von, steph, tonius, jon, etc) hee. SENTOSA and MARINA BAY! lol... So fun, I still remember playing volleyball and GETTING WET! who was the genius that shoved me into the sea? LOL. And then changing and bathing (that was hilarious...was it vic that was ogling at another girl bathing under the outdoor shower in a bikini? lol..) at Siloso's toilets and MRT-ing to MARINA BAY for seafood steamboat. HAHAHA... I remember willie fending off oil spatter with a plate and edmund popping the corks on the "champagne" bottles. ^_^ oh man, I miss you all so much! Hope all of you will be at the LAST reunion on the 25th November at GMSS. Please come! We need to take photos and update before we all part.

So in any case, I am in a really good mood these few pre-exam days. Maybe I found my peace and my joy. hee. (besides my dog) Jen, you'll get through this la. You're tough and you're a capable person, besides I dun think He let it happen without His reasons. You'll realise what it was when you look back on this time. Oh and that Mr GCM asked me to look for vanessa williams "saving the best for last" on youtube. lol.. ok la mr Goh, a good vid..but it wasn't her vocals that was oozing sensuality. ^^ Ok! That's it people. God Bless, goodnight and ALL THE VERY BEST FOR YOUR EXAMS! love ya!

Sarang Een Gayo (Perhaps Love)

hahaha.. if you're a K-drama fan, you'd know where this song is from. You want to know the weird thing? I wasn't interested in it at all, then I had to catch 15 minutes of it on TV in the horrible chinese dubbed version...so I youtubed it and wasted my entire weekend watching it-completely addicted to the show. It's my new craze as of now. haha... ^^ It's super funny, completely wholesome and my mum and sis love it too. hahaha. I slept at like 7am on sunday morning cause that's when ALL the videos finished loading and I watched it all. I know, I know sugi- crazy. Can't help it though. And well, you start falling in love with the characters slowly. Like Shin Goon, played by Joo Ji Hoon...[heehee]

In episode 7.. ChaeGyung: "Jeonha, Seja Jeonha..." [Translated: prince, oh prince..] Shin Goon: "Ye, Bigung mama?" [Yes, your majesty, crown princess?] LOL. That was so funny and sweet.Cause they didn't really like each other up till then and this was like teasing. haha... aiya go watch it for yourself la. Youtube rocks. I will not take it for granted. haha.. :D (btw, the original cast won't be back for GOONG 2-so sad!)

But then again, there is a check for me now. EXAMS. Blazing A levels. I also have a schedule to keep. Finish all revision at least twice by the night I go out for ROCKAPELLA! ^^ haha... oh and then there is prom stuff to think about. lol. Busybusybusy. hahaha.. Let's just take it that Princess Hours (Goong) was my outlet...lol..[a very fun and invigorating outlet] I had fun watching the Goong 1.5 special that they held on national TV after the last episode ended. That was funny, laughed my butt off with my sister. Anyway, the haze appears to be disappearing! Water bombs 4-lyfe! Thank God for the rains! hee. Take care you all, God Bless... till the next time I update!

Replies to tags:

Agamemnon: Hahaha... bum around? You know I'm not that kind of person, besides I'll already have 6 months to do that. Will be helping out in school and travel? Maybe do missions? Who knows? LOL. Oh... WATCHING PRINCESS HOURS. kk...enough of that.

Jeri: Me too! I'll miss you loads. God also keeps putting you in my life. LOL.. like we're meant to be. ^^ Love you to bits my dear jeri.

Sarah: ^_^

Shoutouts:

Natkwee: I MISS YOU WHERE ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU DOING? haiz. We need to chat ASAP.

Penny: I MISS YOU TOO... Pray for you constantly.

DRISHTI: hahaha...subtropical. Purdue. Perdurian... SO SOON. We need the time to spend with each other.

Kong Lam: lol...Goel? and tt youtube vid is hilarious. lol.

Oceans will part

"Oceans will part, nations come, at the whisper of Your call. Hope will rise, glory shown, in my life Your will be done."

The last day of school. Last day of official lessons. I now know how Ivan felt. It's so final. We're never gonna sing the anthem, say the pledge... not for a very long while. And all we can look forward to are the exams and... grad/prom. I guess so. But the finality of it all. It's so... strange. These were the strangers I played with at orientation last year. These were my classmates that I had bio, lit, geog, gp, chinese and PE with. These were the OGLs I danced beside. The friends that I will miss oh so much. There will never be a class like ours. Anywhere, ever again. 19 of us. plus-minus a few more...

^_^ to the ones who made me smile, the ones who made me LOL, the ones who stood beside me, who comforted me when I was down, to the ones who made my every day worth living, who made school something to look forward to, who helped me out with homework, who shared your tears, fears and joy with me, who brought me out, who surprised me, who prayed alongside me, who danced with me, who taught me how to love myself, who sang with me, who stressed out with me, who shopped with me, who went to parties with me, who never failed to show me what beautiful people you truly are... I LOVE YOU. To my Year 6 2006 [single digit, no alphabet.] you rock my socks. lol. I thank you all for everything.

That was my tribute to two awesome years at ACS International. Anyway, an update about my day, the last day of school was sorta fun. I had time to shoot hoops with the netball hoop cause the BBall court was having its lines redrawn. lol. it's not easy ok. BBall into netball hoop from 2 pointer line is tough enough...7/50 ROFL. and dun even mention the 3 pointer line. but I had fun. and then I had a good chat with sugi at hagen daaz while mel had ee-ee (violin) classes. ^^ Iain was in town with his teeth. lol. anyway... then we had dessert/ food in the hawker centre.. the guys had food...sugi, bryan and iain while the girls had dessert...mel, jia yi and I. lol. but iain ate jia yi's stuff la. wasted. I love lazy days like these. :D But school is such an empty shell without all the meaningful people now. God Bless my dear ones. I really really will cherish everything you've given to me.

Adonai-Hillsongs

" Ever I will sing only you will I adore. Glorify my lord, only You will I serve. For the world will fade away. Still my song to You remains. Only You will I adore."

^^ I had such a happy day today! :D I had double free studying bio options in the mini conference room, then I had bio which was me basically struggling with the core paper. lol. and Lit with mel and cara and GCM. We did Gt again. And I stayed back after school to wait Michelle (Beaton) to come to school. She was visiting us. And we had a good time talking and catching up about our trip! (refer to vid below)

Haha..love NZ to bits. Anway, back to the good parts of my day. Just had prayer time with family and played the guitar for a while. ^_^ and well... now it's time for me to go back to the books. Goodnite all!

All The Earth-Parachute Band

haha.. this was sent to me by christopher. VISA ads. (oh, and yes shush up about the fact that you skipped two years.) Anyway, last night was a blast. For all the fatty pizzas I ate, I lost weight. LOL. like seriously. I lost 2 kg this morning when I checked. Maybe all the laughing gave me a good workout. haha. thanks 4-lyfers. It was soooo much fun. [Background of the TV SHOW!] hey mel, ANEMONE! lol. well, this morning, I finally started work on my VISIONboard-it's this thing that helps me focus and puts my dreams and wishes down so that I can visualise it. Need to look around for what I want and stick it up there. lol. AND...I stuck my schedule up on my wall so that I can see it and my WHOLE family can see it, so there's no escaping from studying. sheesh. A Levels. Bio Prac down, five more papers to go. :) (jia you sugi.) anyway, school's been boring.. like there are no official lessons and all.. so yeah. ohoh.. MICHELLE'S COMING TO SCHOOL THIS MONDAY! so excited!

In other news, I am chatting with nat and chris (chew) now. lol. oh and my sister went to the wade robson project last night. (refer to her blog)cool. oh and for some reason, I came home with a bruise on my back. What was I doing that caused a bruise on my back? (oh no, don't even think about it iain teh- how's the lamb by the way?) lol. and then on monday [I think] we went to topshop's style advisor and ransacked the whole place. lol. oh well, now at least I know what I shouldn't wear. haha.. I'm in a very good mood today. Must be a carry-over from last night. I also slept really well. ^_^ sooo.... I'm happy!!!! ok...

Church tonight was so awesome. the pastor who came had been imparted a healing anointing by benny hinn. You know the pain I had in my back? As evidenced by what I wrote about above? ^^ It's gone. No pain. Anyway, had dinner at ghim moh and we bought groceries as a family and then I came home to N(A)UTELLA again and TCC. lol. Kenneth TCC is hilarious. extract of convo-

kenneth: ACS is the best right?

esther: so glad you realised that now.

kenneth: I'm being a cynic, in a sarcastic way.

esther: yes, and I'm being the nice, forgiving optimist. besides, that means I'll live longer. LOL.

kenneth: so you're hinting I'll die soon? given the fact that I'm the direct opposite of you?

esther: DIRECT OPPOSITE? no way man. They say opposites attract, now we wouldn't want that to happen now would we? :D

kenneth: OH YA! SHYTE! We are in some ways the same.... We're both taking A levels this year...

ROFL...hahahaha... he's soo funny. and so.. emo. love and life kenneth, love and life! :D so yea... answer to tags and shoutouts:

agamemnon: you did the kidney too? like...they repeated it?

rach: HI!!!!

sarina: hee...we walk tomorrow!

HUGHLYN TAN: CHEER UP!!! HANG ON TO YOUR FAITH! It's not in people that we trust but in God! Love!!! ^^

How Great is Our God-Chris Tomlin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS (TENSEN)! lol. Ohhhh and DAPHNE (OFFICIALLY) HAPPY BIRTHDAY! lol. Did I tell you what angels these classmates of mine are? ^^ They are absolutely nice people. When we were plotting to surprise daphne this monday, all of them contributed money towards her surprise party's decor and gifts.

Anyway, I completed one paper of my A level exams today. Bio prac. yays. kidney came out..like...adfghjklhlkjhggh...lol... but oh well, I'm quite happy with my overall la. Spent time in school after tt in lit, and reading A & C in school. Chatted to alan, jonho, joel and a few others after lessons ended. Then walked home. Relatively good day. Well, studies for life! This post was supposed to be longer, but blogger wasn't up earlier and now it's late. Goodnight dearies!

Last Flight Out

I am in a poetic mood today. So I leave you with one I just wrote.

Untitled- 9/10/2006

Choices. Decisions. A brain

can only take

this much. To give up, to accept...

So many things to consider.

Who? When? Where?

Why? The biggest question

How? Now?

AHHHH!!!

My future. Hers. His.

We all are in this

together, yes but going

our seperate ways.

I'll miss you. You say you will

too. We all say it. But will you

forget? Will I? Is there

any reason why we will?

Marriage. Career. Family. A new faith?

Money. Friends. Enemies.

New personality-that sucks.

No one wants to

be forgotten.

But we might just

forget. That's terrible. Buried

beneath choices, decisions,

lovers, hate and a new life

away from here.

Here in my heart

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^ I was watching a programme that has made me dream again. So when I start dreaming and start believing....I get high and happy!!! :D lol... hee. okok. one of the things I feel inspired to do is make a list (and check it twice) but if you don't see your name yet, don't worry. It'll be over a coupla posts. so hang in there!!!

Things I like most about people:

1. Penny- your energy, enthusiasm and generous heart.

2. JC- your caring and ability to connect people.

3. Yessie- your easy going nature and new found confidence in yourself.

4. Shwee- your easy laugh and ability to make people feel at ease.

5. yen hao- your wry sense of humour.

6. charmaine- your heart of gold.

7. denise- your brilliance.

8. daphne- your caring heart.

9. potato- your excitement.

10. LI-EN- the bit of sunshine you always bring into my life.

11. Kristi- your hugs.

12. Kathi- your "emo-ness". that makes you so funny.

13. sarina- the way God placed you in my life still amazes me.

14. jeri- your love of life.

15. joelfoofoo- your wise cracks and fun-loving nature.

16. vic- your craziness...every bit of it.

17. ananya "nanya"- your laugh. it is soooo funny when you laugh.

18. amrit- you and your "seductive" ways. you always make me smile.

19. azfar zain!- you are such a piece of sunshine. you are incredible.

20. yanning- your very "adult" way of thinking through things. you're so fun!

21. leona- Your childlike innocence and love for little things.

22. dawn- your BIIIIGGGGG heart for a "little" girl. lol.

23. ria- your thoughtfulness.

24. jen- your noisyness. You make my life more vibrant.

25. OZY- your very malaysian jokes. lol. and your kind heart.

26. kamani- *snow!* lol. your friendliness. and easy laugh.

27. gowri- your easy trusting nature.

28. viresh- your wittyness.

29. kenneth- your great teasing abilities.

30. kui- your fun and friendly manner.

31. Anton- your expressions. *food...food* your ability to make people feel loved and accepted.

32. Antony- your sporting nature.

33. manav- your random nature. it's what makes you funny.

34. wai leong- your gentlemanly ways.

35. chris- your caring and naturally concerned nature.

36. tim (big)- your spontaneous nature.

37. karan- your commentaries on life.

38. cara- the way you accept people and bring them into your life.

39. sean- your love and committment to God. never lose that!

40. miles- your willing heart.

41. evan- your heart of love towards God.