Haiz, once again. Posting. When anger drains away, you look and reflect. (Thank You Mel) Again I have put my foot in mouth. Again I have to be humbled. And I thought I was angry at someone when it was misplaced anger about myself. It's true. I'm sorry. My very public apology to you and to You.
Firstly to you: Like I said and I will retype it here as stated in my sms. I'm sorry for being judgemental and accusatory and all the things that you said I am. They are true. I'm sorry for not listening, for not understanding, for not being a true friend. Nothing I say can explain or excuse what I said in those smses. I respect and know that your relationship with Father God is a personal and real one. I was too proud and condescending to view you as an equal. And I should've. My hope is that I have not messed things up too badly this time round. [Also, I gave you the reasons why I acted the way I did in my sms-personal, for you to know only.] I ask for your forgiveness. It's true, I don't know you that well, but I know that I don't want to loose you as a friend.
And To You: I should've listened. And that was my weakness. I'm so sorry Lord. I'm sorry for not turning to You like I've always told others to. I'm sorry for being distracted from what I was put here for. To run a steady course. Lord, I know my hope is always in You. I'm sorry for placing others and other THINGS above you. I now know Lord that You have always been my source and my shield. I'm truly sorry for not showing forth Your love and Your light. Dear Lord, I pray that as You've humbled and taught others that You will humble me and teach me Your ways. I'm sorry for not turning my ear and my eyes to You first but becoming obsessed and dominated by other things. Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that all good things come from You and all the good things I have in my life comes from You. Lord I love you-with all my heart. I'm sorry. Qing Ai De Tian Fu, Wo Ai Ni. There is no purpose and no reason for living without You. Father, I'm sorry I wandered away again. Jehovah Rapha, You are my provider and where I should place my hope in. I also ask for Your forgiveness. Lord, let my strength, my intelligence, my personality, my character, my everything be yielded to You for Your use. I rededicate my life and my love to You. Lord, I pray that Your will be done in my life, and that out of this, I can reach others. I'm so sorry Lord.
*tears are refreshing and thoughtful things,
they are the much needed renewed spring,
within us, we are created only for You,
and it is even in tears and sadness that we live
submitted and holy to Your name* -esther 1/11/06
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