Lessons learned

WARNING: long blog post ahead.


LOL! Hi loves, haven't blogged a lot or indepth lately, lots going on. Thanks for asking how I am and what's been going on in my life. Nothing's changed but everything's changed at the same time. (Same same but different.)


As all of you know I have an intimate Love relationship with God. It is the daily bread that sustains me through this life. He is my One and All, my compass and my guide. My bestest best friend in the whole world is the Holy Spirit, the first one whom I greet each morning and the last one I say goodnight to.


That being said, after 23 years of my life. I find myself in another kind of love relationship. With a man of God whom I love deeply and who loves me the same. The story of how God brought us together is truly amazing and I pray that we will be able to share it with you all one day.


For now, I will blog about myself (as I always have) and by being transparent in my dealings with God and people- I am being accountable to God, my family (who have this blog link) and you my dearest friends, all around the world.


Confession


After living a life that has (for most of it) been single. I am finding it a bit hard and weird in making the transition. One of the first things I noticed for myself is the loss of independence. Which is something I have always valued. It's not like it's a big change I have always spent time with him and talked with him, but as the bible says: To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Gen 3:16


As a redeemed child of the most high God, I know I am not subjected to this curse, but in my basal human state, I  can fall into desiring of my love rather than the Love of my life. And that, is wrong. It took my love to remind me that God should be the number 1 and the center of everything for me to get off the cloud 9 of emotions and feelings and think about it- we started BECAUSE of God. We were put together BECAUSE of God and we should be living as a couple BECAUSE of God. 


Obsession


I awoke this morning with the thought that the Trinity is all I've ever had and all I ever needed. He is the Lover of my soul, the possessor of my secrets, the director of my life and He holds my future in His hands. Everything else is a bonus. I have been and will always be happy and content because He saw me first, he formed me and called me wonderfully and fearfully made. He has proven His word to me as truth. His presence is ALIVE in me. His hand prints are all over my life. There are somethings in this life that I would never have survived, without His intervention. 


I still want to see His face the most. I want His power in my life. Not a life that is flat-lined and simple and boring but adventurous and full of His romance. I expect no less from the King of the universe. 


That being said, a human relationship fills the void of physical contact with the King of kings. I honestly didn't have the time to think things through cause everything started so fast and furiously. My family being restored, this relationship and then my job. (In the exact order that I asked God and all within DAYS of each other) Who says God doesn't answer prayer? We just have to be ready. 


I was spiritually and emotionally high. Which led to a series of mistakes that I forgot to guard against. 


1. I forgot to guard his heart
I'm so sorry my love. I know better than to have done this to you. We should have talked out everything before pushing you to say or do anything that you would not normally be comfortable about, or cause your productivity level to drop or or to distract your thoughts away from what was important about our relationship- our mission to serve God and our families. 


This is my fault because I knew it, I just didn't think. 


Which is an ENFP's weakness...thinking...lol. something that I've gotten accustomed to while at work- my business side of me that is focused and thinks of my SWOT..I didn't apply to us. I should have. 


2. I forgot my Lover


As a girl, and all of you girls can empathise with this, we see rainbows, stars, clouds, hearts and birds flying around once we fall in love.


I forgot to slow it down. I forgot to ask the Lover of my soul to take the lead. I forgot to pray in His presence daily. I was adulterous. I forgot the ONLY ONE who has brought me through all 23 years of my life so far until He had to cry. And when your soul experiences that, it hurts from the depths of your being until you feel like you've died a thousand times and still have not been released from grief. 


I forgot you. "Forgive us of our trespasses even as we forgive others of their trespasses. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory forever and ever."


Leadership
It was interesting that when I Googled leadership, this came out- "A process of influencing others to accomplish the mission, inspiring their commitment and improving the organisation." replete with explanations for each section of the mission. 


God has been asking me for the reigns of leadership in my life. All of you know I am an incredibly strong person in terms of working and family life...(I've had to deal with all my family emergencies all the time, including one minor one today. LOL. Thank God that He provides) Being incredibly strong can also translate to being incredibly strong-headed, strong-willed, fiercely independent; not willing to give up my life for just anyone and anything. (Was telling God that my future husband better be a strong person to be able to deal with this part of me. hahahaha.) 


In the world, these are traits that are treasured and exalted even, but in the world of God-chasers... this is what God asks of us daily- SUBMIT. SURRENDER. GIVE UP. SACRIFICE. OBEY. WORSHIP. FALL ON YOUR FACE/ KNEES DAILY. "The foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom." 1 Corinthians 1:25 


Daddy was talking with me today (after I met him to bail him out of a parking lot that didn't like his cashcard. LOL. sounds familiar...) at the coffee shop near my house about love. He told me he is looking forward to spending HTHT with you, love and he really wants to talk to you about life. =) But he also told me this:


"Love cannot be based upon just feelings. It has to be a rational decision making process that arrived to the point that we came to already, cause when the endorphins and hormones wear off, will you be able to spend your life living with this person that you profess to love now? A jewish rabbi did research on all the couples of the bible and saw that whenever the word "love" (eros) was involved, all of the relationships got messed up. But he noticed that nothing was said about loving couples who endured. Adam and Eve (I said this one, they no choice la) Abraham and Sarah. Issac and Rebekah, etc... 


Interesting food for thought. (as soon as dad tells me more, I will update. LOL!)


But love, please let me reassure you. Although your time of preparation is longer cause you started later than I did, I know that God will shorten the time you have to learn these lessons. "If the Lord had not cut short those days, no one would be saved. But for the sake of the elect whom He has chosen, He has shortened those days." Mark 13:20 And dearest heart, you have done exceedingly well by putting in the boundaries and setting the tone and direction of our relationship. I respect you and thank you for doing that for me when I was not thinking. Thank you for your strength. I have always appreciated that about you. You have always been gentle but firm with me (i.e. telling me not to rush into my job, take things easy, seek the face of God)


Thank you. You know I still covet your prayers; daily.


Lifestyle


One thing that I am eternally grateful to God for has been the nature of my job.Flexi and agile. I am now spending more time with my family because of my job then I ever had as a student at SMU. Seriously. Everything consumed me and I wasn't paying attention to the most important mission of my life- "Honour your mother and your father" and "I SENT YOU TO YOUR FAMILY." So here I am, Lord- send me. 


I have more time to hang out with my little brother now. Who is one of the most beautiful hearts in a boy you'll ever know. He is sensitive and caring towards everyone...and now that I'm attached, apparently I just upped my "cool" factor in his eyes. hahaha. He sees and observes but he also does. He has been crashing my room and sitting on my bed to talk, he synced my ipad while I was asleep and uploaded all my music into is. He looks after me and tells me not to spend more on him unnecessarily, etc. I love him. And yes, his soul and mine were missing each other because of the busyness of life. 


I cannot allow that to disappear. He needs me now. =)


Another thing I noticed was the absolute no change in my ministry. LOL. God was still sending me to meet people and to reach out to my friends. hahaha. It's consistent and fair of God that He puts me in weird and awkward situations but then He is there to guide me through them all with what to do and say. *excites*


I miss the USA dearies! I hope to be able to come up to you guys soon! <3


Live like you were dying


A couple of weeks back, I blogged about this. And I blogged about how we need to live with the end in mind. I just didn't realise how God used it both as a catalyst for dearest and I to get together, but also as a lesson He chooses to keep reinforcing to me.


I just found out today that my sweet, brilliant, smiley, handsome boss is dying. Of HIV. The ultimate challenge  of humanity is the AIDS virus. No medication can kill it and there is no way to delay death. Once a person finds out he/ she is infected, they have exactly 20 years left on this earth. 


That is why he started SLOAN. He wanted to make a difference and right all his wrongs and heal from the wounds he was inflicted upon by his parents. 


This is also the biggest challenge (I LOVE IT) to Esther's healing ministry. That I would be able to walk in miracles and walk with God enough to be able to be a channel of God's healing and restoration to his life. He won't have to die. He will live and proclaim that Jesus is Lord and Saviour. The AIDS virus is the only way that man can realise that God heals. There is no human cure for it. Only God can heal and only God can save. 


Start praying with me. I am beginning to see where God is taking me with ministry and His promises to me about launching me in 2-3 years time. 


Oh and when God told me "within a year you will meet the right man for you" I didn't realise it'd be within a month. LOL! <3 


Remember this dear loved ones.


1 Peter 4:7-9 "7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a 
multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."