I will go where You want me to go =)

hahaha looks like You kept your end of the deal, Lord. I'm going to Korea for exchange! =)

"Sogang University is one of the leading research and liberal arts universities in South Korea. The university is a relatively new school, founded in 1960, and the only Jesuit institute of higher education in the country. The education offered at Sogang University is designed to form intellectuals who combine academic excellence and creative originality. It is designed to train citizens with outstanding leadership abilities, able to contribute to society and the nation in a spirit of devotion and a sense of responsibility, with mature and integrated characters, true cosmopolitans able to contribute to the national prosperity and world peace, equipped with an understanding of the changes the world is undergoing and the current of the times, and able to respond to them with sound critical judgment. Sogang University has 9 Colleges (Humanities, Social Sciences, Law, Communication, Natural Science, Engineering, Economics, Business Administration and General Education), and a student population just over 10,000 student (7,500 undergraduates and 3,000 postgraduates)."

I'm basically on the green line stop 2, Sinchon and really near the HANGANG river. WHICH IS WHAT I LIKE! =)

Am excited to see Cerinha, Jeongran and Chloe again! =) 

So anyway, my academic year begins in August!

   2010. 8          08.9-8.13:  course registration

2010. 9	08.30	Classes begin
	8.31~9.3	Period to revise course registration
	9	Mass of Holy Spirit at opening of classes
	22~25	Sogang Cultural Festival
	24	Deadline for dropping courses

2010. 10
	18~22	Filing applications for degrees
	18~23	Mid-term exams

2010. 11	2	Deadline for submitting mid-term grades
	19	Deadline for filing for temporary leave

2010. 12	13~18	Final exam
	19	Mass to celebrate closing of classes
	20	Winter vacation begins

SO exciting!!! now have loads to do!!! Internship come quick! then Esther will be all set for 2010! Thank you Lord!!!!

Romanisation: "HANANIM ABUJI, chungmael kamsahamnida! kereseo nan nomu nomu saranghaeyo!"

Translation: Heavenly Father, I am really grateful! And I also really really love you!" 

THANK YOU LORD! =)

I called...

You answered. And You came to my rescue. And I want to be where You are...

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord all I am is Yours

My whole life I place in your hands
God of mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence, at Your throne

I called, You answered
And You came to my rescue
And I want to be where You are

In my life, be lifted high
In our world, be lifted high
In our love, be lifted high

It's time...

To Move On.

Living for someone else is never the way to go.

neither is living anticipating someone's every need/ reaction/ want... and then to watch how the person's reaction to them so adversely affects me in my thoughts and emotions.


It becomes so sad, like a pantomime where a puppeteer has control over my emotions while I dangle from strings I had placed there on purpose. I don't like being toyed with. 


I need to live for Christ instead... and His purposes in my life. =)

I need to get out of here... rainy days make me emo but force me to take a different perspective. I need my heart to stop feeling this way. 


Maybe all this time, I was just WRONG. Misreading issues and words and conversations a thousand different ways except what was outlined SO CLEARLY previously. Getting over is the hardest part though. But having a male perspective about things helps. Thanks Zhiyong! =)


I need to FOCUS. Work is now my priority. Family is my priority. Essays and sisters and brothers and daddy's healing... A relationship I should ever think about should be with Jesus. I haven't been spending much time with Him. The world sometimes sweeps in and sweeps me off my feet... That should never happen.


Ugh. Everything just rushed in again. That overwhelmed feeling, hormones all over the place. I need a quiet corner, full starred heavens, a good cry, a shoulder to lean on and everything will be fine.

Israel come quickly. Internship come quickly. Exchange come quickly.

I need this term to end. 

加油！

*AIYO!!!! totally warrants a blog post!*

TO: JEREMY ANG WEN JIE

Psalm 62

For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.

¹ My soul finds rest in God alone;

       my salvation comes from him.

 ² He alone is my rock and my salvation;

       he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

 ³ How long will you assault a man?

       Would all of you throw him down—

       this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

 ⁴ They fully intend to topple him

       from his lofty place;

       they take delight in lies.

       With their mouths they bless,

       but in their hearts they curse.

       Selah

 ⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;

       my hope comes from him.

 ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation;

       he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

 ⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God ^[a] ;

       he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

 ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;

       pour out your hearts to him,

       for God is our refuge.

       Selah

 ⁹ Lowborn men are but a breath,

       the highborn are but a lie;

       if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;

       together they are only a breath.

 ¹⁰ Do not trust in extortion

       or take pride in stolen goods;

       though your riches increase,

       do not set your heart on them.

 ¹¹ One thing God has spoken,

       two things have I heard:

       that you, O God, are strong,

 ¹² and that you, O Lord, are loving.

       Surely you will reward each person 

       according to what he has done.

So what the last verse says especially is, the Lord sees what you've done and what she has done. LOL. so she will be rewarded according to what she HAS (or has not) done. 

Find time to rest in Him and love ON Him. =) He misses your presence as much as you miss His. 

And I'm totally breaking my "change up the jia you phrase" thing, but 加油！

p.s: Alvin Ng, stop using me as a stress ball can!?! bruise marks on arms already!!! LOL!!! =) 

p.p.s: CONGRATS CINDY!!!!!! =) You are SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE! I really love your smile!

A little less conversation, a little more action

OH MAN. been so BUSY!!! one 3000 word essay just done, another 3000 worded one and another 1500 one due soon! one last presentation coming up as well and then the mugging begins... and all sorts of other stuff I still have to attend to. 

pfft. I changed my facebook status to:
"Esther Tan is (finally!) gonna spend some quality time with her pillows tonight. *big big grin* =)"

and I had an immediate response from my brother saying"Chey, I thought you were gonna say siblings.."

Which totally made me feel guilty for not spending enough time with my lil bro... ^_^ I love you brother!!! let's go running! =)

I also totally noticed a correlation. Less time time spent with my pillows = more likely to need to conserve cognitive resources = less likely to notice when people are waving at me = more likely to be dao

hahaha. sorrie people I dao-ed in my zombie-like state!!! wah, the introverted, focus on one task and ONE task only part of me is scary. LOL. I think I scared my family last night with my super intense look and attitude. haha. thanks ellie for short reprieve though!!! and nice ketchuping with you clarence chan xian yao!!! hee hee, when you have time and I'm less "talk-to-one-person-only" mood we can chat again soon. =)

sheesh! hang in there esther! hang in there everyone!!! this term's about to end!!! =) summer's almost here!

INTERNSHIP- EXCHANGE!!! come on!

For my besties who have loads to do these couple of weeks:

Isaiah 40:29- He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Psalm 94:19- In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul.
Isaiah 41:10,13-14- Fear thou not; for I {am} with thee: be not dismayed; for I {am} thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Psalm 119:28- My soul melts from heaviness;Strengthen me according to Your word.

F-I-V-E

I figured that since they managed to write a musical out of NINE, I could do a piece dedicated to the five hours I sat in the library typing my 3000 word essay.


> 5 hours infront of the computer with minimal movement = zombie like state and small eyes. =(


Extrovert to introvert in 5 hours


*needs sleep, a massage, nature walk, cold weather, good friends' company, laughter*


Exchange can you please just come now!?!


/edit: REALLY bad mood now. any little thing is triggering me off. I need sleep now.

Sessy Taimes...

"Sessy taimes" hahaha. I remembered this line from kwee when I was about to blog. I miss you kwee.


Man, I HAVE been blogging frequently. I guess there's just so much to say. 


1. 3000 word essay due this Thursday with only 3 paragraphs written and a general idea of what I want to say. O Lord, help please!
2. Readings this week for G&F: 201-240 and 1-10 of extra readings
3. LTB presentations this week and next week + rehearsals for items
4. Waiting for OCS people to clear a "dead" application so that I can apply to L'Oreal for HR!!! =) 
5. L'Oreal team presentation next Monday on Diversity (hee hee, is this a sign Lord?)
6. I/O paper on Leadership (chosen topic) due next Thursday 5pm (the extension the result of a funny in class activity which my team won)
7. POSC paper due week 14
8. LTM interviews for TA recruitment before I leave for Israel
9. HTAs gathering on 24th April before I leave for Israel
10. EXAMS!!!!!! 12-15-19
11. Soc Sci cell this Wednesday @6.30pm
12. Friday NIGHT meeting for I/O psyc @6.30 SIGHS
13. CINDY'S WEDDING Sat morning 10am the SAIL. GOODNESS LA!!!! need to sleep early the night before!
14. Submitting all cheques and bsm related stuff to gladys this thursday
15. Collect my passport this Wednesday... 
16. Waiting for job apps to go through.
17. Waiting for exchange results.
18. Israel 27th April- 6th May


pfft. Patience and long suffering, Esther. Come on! You can do it. =)

Please Stop Time

It's HEREEEE!!!!!! =) I think the melody of this song has made it my favourite from the first time I heard it. 

時ヲ止メテToki wo tomete (Please Stop Time)

And I LOVE PLANETARIUMS!!! I totally want to go star gazing! I think I'll hunt one down in Korea when I'm there. =)


Anyway, it seems like I've been blogging loads and loads this week/ month/ year. But, I just started feeling that life should be captured again. So that I won't forget all the good things that has happened to me. 


Last night was one of the funniest nights I've had a while. The three way skype convo between jem, zheng yue and I (finally!) happened. hahaha. we've all had conflicting schedules, etc... It was great to listen to each other's walks of faith and to also hear where God was bringing all of us in life again. =) *different mountains though... banks, energy and entertainment...* hmmm... do you spot God's fingerprints again?


Also, we covered the book of Philippians last night during fellowship... Philippians 4 to be exact. And wow!!!! I just noticed a pattern! Every time Paul tells us something, he follows through by giving us practical steps to living! =) hee hee. 


I also came to the conclusion (once again) that God should have His way in my life. It was about daily surrendering everything- our dreams, hopes, faiths, wishes, disappointments, futures into His hands. Then there will be no struggle or stress or worry about anything. ^_^ 


It makes me happy to know that I have a bestest best friend/ shepherd/ lover/ Father/ comforter who is always looking out for me. 


okies, back to the essays!

Do Not Worry

It would be an utter lie to say that I am not concerned about many things in this life. 

The most prevalent thoughts being issues that concern my future (top three are):

1. Internship (and a job after that)

2. Exchange (Yonsei please?)

3. A relationship I'm thinking about

Words and people often trigger off envy or concern or turmoil with these issues. SIGHS. Goodness, too much to consider for my head and in week 11 of school. 

As usual, the Word of God tends to gently push me in the right direction again. =) Thank God for His Word. 

Matthew 6- Do Not Worry

 ²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]? ²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I met Kenneth (TCC) just now for a really nice leisurely stroll and chat in some random secluded corner of school. LOL. It was nice to take a break for a while and catch up with old friends, NINE-year old friends to be exact. I can't believe it's been so many years already. We've changed so much but our friendship hasn't really changed at all. That's what I love about old BFFs. =) It's really funny about how it all started because of our "hell on earth" as prefects and student leaders back in secondary school and has become one of the funniest, happiest and most honest friendships I've ever known (hahaha. yes la, me being honest last year made things better for you also, yes I know, you would've killed me if I kept it any longer..haha) 


And well, you realise that God has been faithful to give us wonderful friends. We may not see each other everyday but the deep bonds of friendship exist regardless. haha. It's so funny to see the once-emo and forever corny dude (finally!) having a relationship to deal with. hee hee. Am glad for you la, tcc. Really. 


And speaking of "not worrying about food"... AIYAIYEE!!! I have been eating too much!!! (think it's the lead up to that time of the month again...sheesh) oh and goodness, sushi tei is really a BEEEG BEEEEEG weakness. I will need to avoid that for a very very long period of time! hahaha. and lily is a bad influence on me... PAE BU LO!!!!! hahaha... cookies, steak, sushi... AHHHH!!! *needs to go run again*


"Less of me Lord, more of You..." hahaha.. love!!! =)


p.s: 1040, come on now!!! Let Christ reign!

skies and sighs

I think this week has held mixed feelings for me.

For the various reasons:

1. Class

2. Brief ketchup with bestie =)

3. Meeting Andrea! =)))

4. Class

5. Meeting Van! =))

6. 77 pages of reading by tmr!

7. 3 essays / term papers

8. An old issue that hasn't been resolved; that REALLY needs to be resolved. 

9. Other people's secrets

10. I cut up a dress and now I have a rose print skirt!!! lol. 

11. A cool la mian place I found at bugis street

I think I just need a bit of excitement in my life again, am feeling a little trapped and stuck with routine... Albeit the excitement should not be related to the complicated-feelings- component of stuff. Like star gazing/ snow/ sunsets/ songs and musicals/ the right partner in my life...

Aiya... not about this topic again... Heart + Hormones should just stop it. I am going walking... SIGH.

/edit: OKAY! Esther's happy again! The walk with the siblings was really good for my hormones... LOL. endorphins... I looooveee you!!!


/edit edit: OH MAN! talk about serious roller coaster of emotions! The exchange results are being released these two weeks. nana and sher sher got Calgary and jem got HK...which leaves this one who REALLY WANTS YONSEI, kenny wong (who really wants to help japan) and natasha (who really NEEDS to go to kansai... lol) with the final pieces of the puzzle. 


So while under severe anxiety, I went to the shower to calm myself down... haha... and realised that I was fine with wherever God was taking me, just as long as I was in His Will and plans for my life. =) updates again soon! *mwah*