Don't feel like dancing

haha... "and I don't feel like dancing..." answers to tags before I blog:

priyanka: HELLOOOOOO!!!! hee hee.

jen: wait you mean ask crazy ppl like li-en along? OMG. lol... or my year six classmates? lol.. weird monkey I have as a friend. ^_^

sarah: I'll miss you too. but guess what? since mel is the bridging factor...i'll be seeing you a lot. esp if I get invited to family gatherings.

Okay, so anyway...I brought my brother to lido to see happy feet (again). I know I know...questions running through head.. can practically see em.

1.WHAT was esther doing at a cinema? [well, hey I get let out AFTER EXAMS... and when my dad gives the green light which comes from the direct phone line from up there]

2. HAPPY FEET AGAIN!?! lol. my bro really wanted it. and open season's not til tomorrow. so hey. hee hee. I had a good time freezing my butt off in the cinema though. Brilliant job esther. then he and I walked around, bought his uniform, ate gelato, went underground to popular... erm.. oh.. I BOUGHT HIM a magazine.. *mumbles* da jies of the world.. lol. spending money on younger siblings.. hahaha... but he was happy so I guess tts fine. MET LEONA!!! "save earth-it's the only planet with chocolate!" LOL. I know where that came from!!!

came home and went youtubing. cause when I met mel and iain at serene center, I walked past like some korean movie posters.. and so I youtubed them. I love youtube!!! hahaha. I saw BOTH of them just now. one is "My girl and I" with Song Hye Gyo (autumn in my heart and full house) in it. she's pretty. BUT I DUN UNDERSTAND WHY SHE ALWAYS PICKS THE DYING ROLES.maybe she looks good dying. lol. so needless to say (i've given away the storyline) I liked "Innocent steps" better. ^_^ I'm a sucker for happy endings (again I gave it away) and besides, the guy in "innocent steps" was WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY cuter than the guy in "my girl and I". haha. okay lah. the dude in MGAI was sweet ( I liked the last 2 minutes of the movie best) in the cute, gong kind of way. blur, dunno what's going on... erm. Sweet. but the guy in IS is just... goodlooking. hee. and he dances so well! hah. but talk about mis-matches! the girl in IS looked so young. like looked younger than me. it was almost paedophilic. lol. weird. but I liked the scenes where they gush about each other or he actually has already prepared stuff according to what she asked for. haha. and his reaction when she called him honey. hahaha. so yeah. I had a pretty good time. GOONG's still the best though. hee.

so an update on life-stuff's happened. It always does. but it shows you ppl's character (shows others' mine too) but hey... the ones who truly love you will understand and stick. and for tt I'm grateful to you guys (and GIRLS!) and I hope you will be grateful for me too (someday, ok?) . ^_^ chesonghamnida!

to do list:

1. go out with jen and gang. lol.

2. go out with JESH! yippee!

3. pack for camp.

4. nat's bday party this saturday.

5. prep for worship

6. help orientation camp...no news as of yet.

7. shopping!?! window la.. sighs.

8. meet cafe and the "bump crew" LOL.

9. plans for the future.

As high as the heavens

Hi. so it's one day since lam left. And there is this void in my heart. Which is difficult to fill but everyone's trying to do. weird huh? 2 years so fast. too fast. (been reading penny's blog-dang it! emo all over again)

Anyway, I'm here in my dad's office helping design the camp manual cover and help out with other stuff-yes, I don't get paid...lol.. It's interesting. I've been praying about something and it happened. Not bad. Infront of my face too. hmm.. so...hmm... I'm going for ice cream now!! haha...hi calories. Sokay intending to go walk later. love and peace.

Don't like goodbyes

You know how terrible the feeling of having to see off a classmate whom you've known for 2 years and who's NEVER coming back to Singapore again is? I just saw Lam off at the airport. I cried buckets again. (along with nat and penny and a bit of mel) I'll miss her SO MUCH. My heart felt like it broke just now. Just came home. Decided to dedicate this post to her. KONG LAM-I hope God will bring us full circle again. ^_^ I love you and miss you so. Hugs and kisses and everything else that is familiar to you. OMG. I love you tai tai.

Seasons of love

How do you measure, measure a year?

Or two for that matter?

OMG. It's over.

Grad/prom... year 6. It's over. I'm still in shock. I'm still missing the feeling. My body clock primes me for school. My brain keeps thinking there's chapel. I feel like I'm missing something.

Ack, anyway to cut long stories short, I cried during grad (while giving my speech). It wasn't supposed to happen-but when you type it and when you actually hold the paper and read it out.... and the words take on a new meaning... whoa sheesh. So I cried. Nat has written a brilliant entry: go take a look.

http://aquacity.livejournal.com/61002.html#cutid1

I know you ppl are curious as to what made me cry. so here is an extract of the section that did:

Dearest classmates,
what left an impression on me was the last official day of school. It meant that we weren't ever going to sing the anthem or say the pledge together anymore. It meant that I would not see the people I had spent almost 2 years of my life with almost every day of the year on a regular day-to-day basis anymore.
You were the strangers I played with at orientation last year. You were my classmates that I had bio, lit, geog, gp, chinese and PE with. You were the OGLs I danced beside. You were the ones who made me smile, the ones who made me laugh, the ones who stood beside me, who comforted me when I was down. You were the ones who made my every day worth living, who made school something to look forward to, You helped me out with homework, shared your tears, fears and joy with me. You brought me out, surprised me, prayed alongside me. You jumped up and down with me, taught me how to love myself, sang with me, stressed out with me, shopped with me, went to parties with me. And you never failed to show me what truly beautiful people you were, and still are.

I laughed my butt off at prom. laughed and laughed and laughed. ^_^ must be good to have your mascara and eyeliner coming out all the time due to "tears of joy". OMG. I'll miss ACS International so much. Especially my classmates. haiz.

And so my day has officially started. After prom (1am) we went traipsing around marina aquare...and then took a cab to eski bar to check out the cold room... haha. it's cold. -5 degrees. In prom dresses. lol. and then had porridge at 2.30am. And got a ride home at 3.15am. I took a shower and wiped the makeup off and finally went to bed on my "boyfriend" (the one I come home to every night....hahah) my pillow at about 4am. Woke up at 1.35pm, took a bath (a lot of hairspray ya'll) and then here I am now after clearing email, sharing my lucky draw gift with my dad and thinking that I want to relive SOME of the best memories over and over and over again. pssh. Best two years of my life so far-hands down. Thanks everyone for making it so. love and blessings always.

CELEBRATE!

IT'S OVER!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A LEVELS ARE OVVVVEEEERRR!!! ^_^

hee, and in other news... addressed to gavin-who has been flooding my tagboard.. ^^

- Grad night is this friday from 6-8pm in the school hall.

- Yes, I'm gonna miss you too... obviously. You make things crazy around here.. hahaha...

- I won't close the blog (yet) too busy using this as a tool to disturb you.

SARINA!!! I'M FREE!!! WALKS! WALKS! WALKS! lol.

AGAMEMNON-now the fun begins!!!

so anyway, I have a packed week- but like Vanessa says "NOW I CAN WATCH GOONG ALL I WANT" hahahaha... so yes. thanks to daphne and penny who "brigthened" up my pre-geog life and the G.O. literally. Will blog again soon. Thank You Lord for everything!!! ciao people!!! hee.

Stand By Me-ROCKAPELLA

ROCKAPELLA! ROCKAPELLA! ROCKS MY SOCKS! LOL. WOOT! lol. worth every single cent. hee hee. Okay. You won't hear of me till next wednesday! lol. exams all the way til tuesday. ^_^ love goong (still) love rockapella (A LOT NOW!!!!!!) hee hee.. where in the world is carmen sandiego? lol... met joel there. WOOT. I have ALL THEIR AUTOGRAPHS!!! hee. they got THREE standing ovations!!! hee hee. okok... Lit PRE -2OTH CENTURY TEXTS this friday... LIT UNSEEN this monday and then BIO OPTIONS after that. Then on tuesday, BIO CORE and then 3 HOURS OF 8 ESSAYS-GEOG. bleah. lol... then I'm home free. haha... sort of. super busy after that. Listing now:

1) Graduation ceremony rehearsals
2) Prom (preshopping-lol...and presentations, etc)
3) GMSS (speech for the 25th)
4) Orientation Camp- dancing/ prep [yay-lose weight again!!! haha] (26th-6th nov, 18th -22nd dec)
5) Church camp 4th-7th dec [sorry peeps. AYEP is a no no for me.. iain-Projek Relak is better la.]
6) Missions trip in jan? (hoping so)
7) Holiday in dec? [not sure]
8) Christmas shopping
9) COLLEGE APPS!!! haiz.
10) Sleep? lol... hmmm...

All the best to my peeps who are taking their last papers/ middle papers... not like me... waiting for first paper. Haha... pray for me. *AJA! FIGHTING!* hahahahaha... love love!!! Goodnight and God Bless!!! ^_^

emo playlist

Hi. Short rant. Sacrifice never comes easy. 18 years of being a pastor's daughter and you think I'd be pretty ok by now. But it's not. It still hurts. A LOT. You're wondering what triggered this rant. lol. Iain did. See, he has a secret project that he planned with mel from the 4-7th dec. And guess what? I have church camp on the 4th -7th. Probably last time I get to spend quality time with close friends. Iain goes into army jan 11th. It's not that I don't want to go for the church camp. I really do. I love it and I can see how my life can help others'. But I want to go for "project relac" too. lol. It's easy to see why I had to say "no" to iain. But the struggles that I deal with behind you won't. Sokay. I've always had to sacrifice things that I like the most. Like quality time with friends, movie-going... yes, I'm NOT allowed to go to movies. But my true friends have accepted that. ^_^ they're beautiful people aren't they? haha.. I know I lead a semi-deprived life, but I guess it keeps me on track with God. HE becomes the ONE person I rely on. So for those facing choices and sacrifices that even sometimes your awesome friends can't understand, here's a SHOUTOUT TO YOU: May you have the courage to keep to your path, your eyes on God and your heart given totally to Him. (I'm a real person btw, NOT all my blog posts are happy...lol) Hope this has helped someone. Goodnight.

Thankful

Hey all! ^_^ been blog hopping beside natkwee and have come to realise that a lot of blogs are usually upset and ranting about stuff. hmm.. so I'll type out what I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for:

-my family

- life

- my classmates (spontaneous, fun ppl)

- my schoolmates (hugging, talking, laughing)

- close proximity of the following: sarina, cara, jon, nat

- phone buddies

- long distance best friends (shush yanning)

- smses

-testimonials

- SPARKlers (lol-gmss term) strangers who SPread Acts of Random Kindness

- girl talk time with sister, mel, penny, nat, cara

- letters

- random phone calls from friends I've never heard from in a looong time (see song!)

- movies

-dramas ^_^

- music

- dreams

- activities to keep me occupied (reading, writing, plotting...LOL)

- teachers like miss loh, miss chin, mr er, mr tan, mr goh, mr chua, miss chia :D

- emo ppl who always find ways of making me laugh : kenneth t, kathi

- random things like just chatting to a fren (gavin!!! sean!!!)

- how ppl like feline, kristi, li-en, jen, kane, my OG members always brigthen my day

- being able to be silly infront of ppl and them not caring and being silly back

- laughter, the very thing that adds flavour to life

- books!!!!! ^_^

- flowers like roses, lilies and tulips

- the colour of the sunset and sunrise

- the riches of the earth (gems, oil, natural gas, coal, soil, water...)

- Jesus Christ

- different ideas

- the existence of nature

ok blogging properly now. let's talk about honesty. I was being honest when I told you guys what I did concerning the class activity. You can say what you like, but I allowed the blame to heap onto me. I stated what I thought and what I could and could not do. I also said I chose not to accept the responsibility because I can't vouch for their character. It's true. I can't. I'm not close enough to be able to do that, and from what I know and experienced, I can't vouch for it. Yes, it sounds selfish, it also sounds like I'm being elitist. Fine. But I told you the truth. I also proceeded to give you all the loopholes into the process. So you can choose to use them or just continue talking about me. Which you will. I know this too. But before all of you, my conscience is clear, I would've said to them what I've said to you. Plain and simple and anticipating a slap/ punch/ whatever. Just because I did not have enough faith in them, does not mean you don't. So you can go fight their case, I admit, I am too chicken to do it. Sorry. Like one of you said this is supposed to be a class activity. So make it one. See if you and them turn up at all. Then we talk, make amends, discuss, etc. Haiz. This was supposed to be fun and something that everyone could do together. Even if some of us weren't allowed in, we'd still find ways and means to. And the ideas were open for discussion and improvisation. But we just had to get SOME things down in concrete, like the time, date and the general outline of the activity. In any case, God Bless you.

SIghs. ok. let's get all happy again. I dl-ed 5 episodes of Goong already I think. hee. And I have been updating everything. Like IE 7.0, windows media player, ITUNES, VLC, MSN... lol... had bio with miss loh... haha.. now at least I know where I've gone wrong. hee. and then I walked cara home... had a good time chatting with her etc. lol. on phone with iain and mel now. kk. gdnite. Hope this whole thing gets sorted by a DOTA-ing one.

Ivan & Allison - HIP HOP / RnB

WOOT! So You Think You Can Dance... I like this dance!!! so cool!!! whoo! hee hee.

Centre of my life

Hee. Look at my collage! I think I love PICASA. lol. Faheem just gave me a "WOW!" testimonial... lol... I think he deserves another one from me. Hahaha... So today went out about Singapore with mum. Photocopying/ making sure stuff is straightened out... etc. Yeah. hmmm, in a much better mood-more at peace again. It's like that. When you know you've made peace with God and forgiven by others, that you feel free. ^^ So I'm being all random and happy and high-ish and typing out song lyrics...

Hillsongs London- Centre of my Life

Let my walk speak loud

And my words be true

Let my life be whole

With my eyes on You

Lord I'm stepping out

From the comfort zone

Letting go of "me"

Holding onto You

Freedom comes when I call You Lord

You are Lord, My God

"You are the centre of it all"

the universe declares in awe

Your majesty I surrender all

I'll make You the centre of my life

Lord I respond with all I have

You placed in me the song of Heaven's melody

Your majesty I live to sing Your Song

I have found Your peace

It replaces anything

You have done it all

I can trust in You

And so I'm stepping out

From the comfort zone

Letting go of me

Holding onto You

Freedom comes when I call You Lord

You are Lord, my God

"You are the centre of it all"

the universe declares in awe

Your majesty I surrender all

I'll make You the centre of my life

Lord I respond with all I am

You placed in me the song of heaven's melody

Your majesty I live to sing Your song

This is Your song, not mine

It is Your song that brings healing to this land

This is Your song, not mine

It is Your song that brings freedom

Your majesty, MY LIFE WILL SING YOUR SONG

At the cross/ My Tribute/ Amazing Grace

Haiz, once again. Posting. When anger drains away, you look and reflect. (Thank You Mel) Again I have put my foot in mouth. Again I have to be humbled. And I thought I was angry at someone when it was misplaced anger about myself. It's true. I'm sorry. My very public apology to you and to You.

Firstly to you: Like I said and I will retype it here as stated in my sms. I'm sorry for being judgemental and accusatory and all the things that you said I am. They are true. I'm sorry for not listening, for not understanding, for not being a true friend. Nothing I say can explain or excuse what I said in those smses. I respect and know that your relationship with Father God is a personal and real one. I was too proud and condescending to view you as an equal. And I should've. My hope is that I have not messed things up too badly this time round. [Also, I gave you the reasons why I acted the way I did in my sms-personal, for you to know only.] I ask for your forgiveness. It's true, I don't know you that well, but I know that I don't want to loose you as a friend.

And To You: I should've listened. And that was my weakness. I'm so sorry Lord. I'm sorry for not turning to You like I've always told others to. I'm sorry for being distracted from what I was put here for. To run a steady course. Lord, I know my hope is always in You. I'm sorry for placing others and other THINGS above you. I now know Lord that You have always been my source and my shield. I'm truly sorry for not showing forth Your love and Your light. Dear Lord, I pray that as You've humbled and taught others that You will humble me and teach me Your ways. I'm sorry for not turning my ear and my eyes to You first but becoming obsessed and dominated by other things. Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that all good things come from You and all the good things I have in my life comes from You. Lord I love you-with all my heart. I'm sorry. Qing Ai De Tian Fu, Wo Ai Ni. There is no purpose and no reason for living without You. Father, I'm sorry I wandered away again. Jehovah Rapha, You are my provider and where I should place my hope in. I also ask for Your forgiveness. Lord, let my strength, my intelligence, my personality, my character, my everything be yielded to You for Your use. I rededicate my life and my love to You. Lord, I pray that Your will be done in my life, and that out of this, I can reach others. I'm so sorry Lord.

*tears are refreshing and thoughtful things,

they are the much needed renewed spring,

within us, we are created only for You,

and it is even in tears and sadness that we live

submitted and holy to Your name* -esther 1/11/06