I have also realised how blessed I am to have the best friends that I have in my life, both only a year old, but people I know that God has so divinely connected in my life. A sign of whether it is true friendship is about how much we've cried with each other, or stood in battle with each other in this short period of time, celebrated each other's victories... My awesome GIG who answers my phone calls and plugs the emotional gap that only women know how to- cause it'd be wrong to strap men with the same expectations. And a best guy friend who is unafraid of venturing "into the deep" with me. I write a lot about women and the ministry I have been given, what I have been doing for them and what they have done for me. But I neglected to include the other balancing force in this life- the role of brothers.
I am not talking about brothers whom you say "hi" and "bye" to, play frisbee or soccer with for a day, randomly high five in the hallways and eat out with occasionally. I mean real men of God who are willing to take the challenge that is your life (women, whom by default they cannot understand), believe with you for the "best that is yet to be" and pray "til Kingdom come" kind of brothers. And I am so blessed to have one so dear to me like that.
I am grateful to you for willingly volunteering your ear to what I have to say and your prayers when I fight the battles in my life. This morning I was reading John's part of "Captivating" and realised indeed how much of a treasure you are to me dear brother. Thank you for being strong, of good courage and for not giving up on me even as I walked through the valley of tears this year, for doing all that you could to pull me out of depression and for thrusting me onto the right path with the Lord. For accepting me as I am and for reinforcing my self-concept that I am beautiful (something that every woman needs to hear from a man in their lives- father, brother, cousin, boyfriend, husband, etc) Thank you for doing that for me. It equips me for my spiritual destiny. (read the whole extract below. the essence of women's ministry- summarized for men. *winks*)
On a Human Level
I (John) have a confession to make: I didn't want to co-author this book. Oh I thought it ought to be written. It needed to be written. I just didn't want to be the one to do it. I knew it would require me to enter into the world of women- and into my woman's world- in a far deeper way than daily life requires of me. To do any sort of justice to a book for women would require me to go deeper, listen even more carefully, study, delve into the the mystery (okay, bloody mess) of a woman's soul. Part of me just didn't want to go there. I had what felt like an allergic reaction. Pull back. Withdraw.
I was keenly aware of what was going on inside me, and I felt like a jerk. But I also knew enough about myself and about the battle for a woman's heart that I needed to explore this ambivalence. What is this thing in me- and in most men- that just doesn't want to go deep into a woman's world? You are too much. Too hard. It's too much work. Men are simpler. Easier. And isn't that just the message that you've lived with all your life as a woman? "You're too much, and not enough. You're just not worth the effort." (And why is it such an effort? There must be something wrong with you.)
Now, part of a man's fundamental reluctance to truly dive into the world of a woman comes from a man's deepest fear, failure. Oh, he may joke about "the differences of men and women" Mars and Venus and all that. But the truth is, he is afraid. He fears that having delved into a woman's world, he won't have what it takes to help her there. That is his sin. That is his cowardice. And because of her shame, most of the time men get away with it. Most marriages and (long term dating relationships) reach this sort of unspoken settlement. "I'm not coming any closer. This is as far as I'm willing to go. But, I won't leave, and that ought to make you happy." And so there is this sort of detente, a cordial agreement to live only so close.
The effect is that most women feel alone.
Some of this is simply selfishness on the part of men. Lord knows men are selfish and self-centered. When Eve was first assaulted, Adam didn't do Jack Squat. Men sin through violence and through passivity. It's just plain and simple...and ugly. But there is something else. There is something even more diabolical at work here. We had an amazing meeting a few months ago that proved to be- for me at least, a surprise unveiling of this mystery.
Stasi and I had gathered with men and women in our ministry who do the men's and women's retreats. The men's team wanted to offer our counsel and support and prayer for the women- and each of them are really really amazing women- to just sort of open their hearts to us and process how things were going. Our gathering moved rather quickly from external kinds of issues- how long the sessions should be and logistical stuff like that- to the internal world of the women's team themselves. As we began to talk more intimately, something started coming over me. Just a sense, an inexplicable but strong impression.
BACK OFF.
That's what I felt. NO one said it; nothing they were doing implied it; it wasn't a voice in my head. Just a very strong impression. I wasn't sure where this was coming from, but this strong "reluctance" this sense of "maybe we shouldn't press further into this", this feeling of just back off was growing on me, every moment we moved more deeply into their lives. With every step we took toward their hearts, I felt a stronger impression to end the conversation, to withdraw, bail out. Watching this unfold, I knew I was onto something big.
I knew that as a man, this wasn't my heart's true desire toward these women. I love them. I want to fight for them. I have, many times. I knew as well it could not be their heart's desire. They invite our engagement. So I interrupted that flow of conversation with what seemed like an unrelated question to the women "Do you feel alone in this?" Silence. Then tears, deep tears from some deep place within each of them. "Yes" they all said. "We do." But I knew it was more than about the retreats. "Do you feel like that in your lives, too, I mean, just generally as a woman?" "Yes, absolutely. I feel alone most of the time."
Now you must understand that each of these women have deep and meaningful relationships in their lives. I knew that if THEY feel alone, my God- what must every other woman feel as well? And this strong message of "back off"- if we feel that after years of fighting for them, what must all other guys out there feel? I bet they haven't ever identified it, or put words to it, but I'll guarantee they've felt it...and probably just thought it was what they, or their woman or both of them wanted.
"Back off" or "leave her alone" or "you don't really want to go there-she'll be too much for you" is something Satan has set up against every woman from the day of her birth. It's the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a little girl by the roadside to die. And to every woman he has whispered "You are alone" or "when they see who you really are, you will be alone" or "no one will ever truly come for you".
Take a moment. Quiet your heart and ask yourself, "Is this a message I have believed, feared, lived with?" Not only do women fear they will ultimately be abandoned by the men in their lives-they fear it from other women too. That they will be abandoned by their friends and left alone. It's time to reveal this pervasive threat, this crippling fear, this terrible lie.
THERE IS HOPE
I am not letting men off the hook. God knows we have a lot more repenting to do. I am saying that you won't begin to understand the long and sustained assault on femininity, on women, until you see it as part of something much larger. The most wicked force the world has ever known. The Enemy bears a special hatred for Eve. If you believe he has any role in the history of this world, you cannot help but see it.
The Evil One had a hand in all that has happened to you. If he didn't arrange for the assault directly-and certainly human sin has a large enough role to play-then he made sure he drove the message of the wounds home into your heart. He is the one who has dogged your heels with shame and self doubt and accusation. He is your bondage. He is the one who has done these things in order to prevent your restoration. For that is what he fears. He fears who you are; what you are, what you might become. He fears your beauty and your life giving heart.
Now listen to the voice of your King. This is God's heart toward you:
Isaiah 62
1For Zion's sake will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem's sake I will not rest, until the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth.
2And the Gentiles shall see thy righteousness, and all kings thy glory: and thou shalt be called by a new name, which the mouth of the LORD shall name.
3Thou shalt also be a crown of glory in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of thy God.
4Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married.
5For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.
You really won't understand your life as a woman until you understand this:
1. You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.
2. You are passionately hated by His enemy.
And so, dear heart, it is time for your restoration. For there is One greater than your enemy. One who has sought you out from the beginning of time. He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul.
Oh my gosh I just properly read your blog entry and I am... amazed. When I read this book at that time, I thought it was to minister to women in terms of healing from relationships- but I see there is so much more now! It is true. God is our victory and He is here!
ReplyDelete