God's Ninja

Today, heaven gained one more saint and the world lost an awesome man of God.

James Berkley

Born March 4 1951

Went home to be with the Lord December 28 2009

Pastor, Apostle, Friend, Father, Intercessor, True Worshipper and Lover of God

You listened when no one else could. You stood in the gap for me and my family. You brought about God's miracle when I needed one. You helped restore my faith in the Father's love when I could not seem to find it. You gave me a reason to hold onto faith for the unity of believers in school. You gave us a new family of IAM-ers. You loved my family like yours. And now we will love them as ours. Papa James, it was an honor and a true blessing to know you as an apostle, pastor, prophet and a man of God.

"Of these, only three remain. Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is love."

Pastor James, you were the embodiment of this very word. We love you so much! ♥

You know better than I

I just thought I'd share with you guys this beautiful song. It's from "Joseph: King of Dreams" and speaks volumes about where I'm at right now. There are lots of things that I keep asking for answers to in this life. As a friend recently said, it's all about learning to hold His hands all over again. =)

I know some of you guys are also at this point in time of your life with me, so I hope you're encouraged by this post.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL Dearest. =)

"You know better than I"

What's it all about?

What's it all about
Alfie
Is it just for the moment we live
What's it all about
When you sort it out
Alfie
Are we meant to take more than we give
Or are we meant to be kind
And if only fools are kind
Alfie
Then I guess
It is wise to be cruel
And if life belongs
Only to the strong
Alfie
What will you lend on
An old golden rule
As sure as I believe
There's a heaven above
Alfie
I know there's something much more
Something even non-believers
Can believe in
I believe in love
Alfie
Without true love you just exist
Alfie
Until you find the love you've missed
You're nothing
Alfie....
When you walk let your heart lead the way
And you'll find love any day
Alfie...

I need that time.

Alone.

To think.

By a sea.

On a mountain.

Anywhere but here.

Help.

I'm losing this battle.

But I am the only one.

Who can face this.

Oh no.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

tonight, the 9th July 2009 is a historic night for me.

I stood tonight looking at these 12 men whom God personally called and was totally awestruck. I stood there fighting back tears as the plans of the Lord for their lives unfurled before my very eyes.

all the work, the calling, emailing, arranging, talking, heartaches, quarrels, frustration, tears...it was all worth it, even if we're only halfway there.

when you look at things in perspective, you realise everything is so small compared to the big God we serve.

look at all the things that we've accomplished so far. look at how far God has brought us and where we came from. truly amazing.

O Lord, you take my breath away.

"Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven"

Today is but the beginning.

Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause

ARGGGGGH

I honestly want to know what is it that I've done to warrant such treatment?

YOU ASKED ME TO FORGIVE. I did.

YOU ASKED ME TO LOVE. I did.

YOU ASKED ME TO BE PATIENT WITH THIS ONE. I was.

So what in all of that deserved a response so full of disrespect?

If I had wanted to condemn him or put him down. Couldn't I have done it all of two years now?

Why would I want to jeopardise something so important to the heart of God just so I could mutter some careless whisper or word that would've made me feel happy?

Is that in my character? Would I do that to people? Why should I want to tear someone down after all the time I spent building him up?

You mean you have the right to say what you want about my father's ministry, question his motives, question his calling, question mine, question everyone's but those whom you deem "impressive" and scream at me infront of a hall full of people, and I don't have the right to some diginity or respect as an individual?

These are PEOPLE I LOVE dangit. I can take a lot. I AM LONG SUFFERING. But I also have boundaries. I have limits. I'm human. I love, I laugh but I most certainly CRY. Even if you don't like it.

OF ALL PEOPLE, you should know. I love you like MY OWN FAMILY.

My only questions were: Do you know you're called? Do you know it's the season? Do you think you're capable of leading all these people?

I ask the same way you ask of others. So how is that condemnation?

So guess what sir, I give up. If the Holy Spirit called you to it. He'll finish the work. I can't go on like this anymore.

I... am going to walk away.

Can't Live a day without You =)

I realise what life is all about...

It's hangin' on when your heart

has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

thanks natsuko

thanks mels

thanks yuen mun

thanks mich

thanks sarah

thanks jas

I'm thinking of...

fighting on my knees

Perhaps I should have rearranged the bday wishlist in my last post.

What I NEED now:

1. Faith for the things the Lord has promised will happen

2. Hope that everything and everyone will pull through

3. Love for people whom I sometimes don't understand.

"and the greatest of these is...love" Teach me, O Lord.

WARNING: CONTENT BELOW CONSISTS OF PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF FAITH IS NOT STRONG.

It's not easy to describe the emotions and thoughts running through my head now at 2.30am, sitting awake, on my bed while my sister sleeps peacefully infront/ beside me.

Turmoil is the closest word I could dig up.

In all spheres of my life right now, except for one, I'm experiencing warfare. I need your prayers, above all, dearly beloved.

It'll be so much easier for me just to walk away from it all. From the little heartaches and pains you feel in daily life. From the arguments and fierce quarrels you sometimes have. The feelings of awkwardness and abandonment. Of resentment and anger. Of jealousy and frustration. Of love lost and sometimes thrown back at you. For the insensitivities of individuals. Sometimes for the feelings that accompany bad news or shocking information. If only I chose to walk away from it all...

These issues are real aren't they? Doesn't everyone grapple with them? Doesn't everyone want to find the way out of this? Isn't Christian life supposed to be victorious and not the temporary shelter of happiness one feels when in the company of people who understand this? I know...

But we still choose to fight, cause that's the only way we have to go. We're called soldiers, drafted into God's army for a reason right? We fight daily, every second, every minute so that the One that reigns supreme in our lives isn't us, but Him.

Increasingly, I feel pains that stab my heart. All alone, late at night. Hurting... for reasons I'm unaware of, until the right time they are revealed. O my soul, why art thou hurting so?

Michelle says it's the joy factor. I say, for my life that love=joy=strength. So for me, it's the love factor. People I love, perhaps.

OUCH. hit it dead centre on the head.

"And anytime, I don't know what to do... I will cast all my cares upon You."

Lord, I will cast all my cares upon You.

BIRTHDAY WISH LIST

okay... So since my birthday is in 1 week and 4 days' time, I'd thought I'd make it easy for people to get me what I want/need for my bday this year. LOL. SERIOUSLY. Just get me these, shared or otherwise and I'll be very very happy. =)

1. Jeans. All the olds ones are either holey or baggy. I do NOT want to look HIP- HOP yo!

2. At least a 320GB external hard drive. this is very much needed. (ESPECIALLY FOR PROGRAMS FOR VIVACE!!!!) thanks. LOL.

3. SENNHEISER PX200 White Headphones ^_^

4. A white gold ring with the hebrew inscription "Wherever you go I will go, your people are my people and your God is my God" =)

5. Money is always welcomed. LOL. in hongbao, envelope or just plan hard cash. hee

In addition, please pray for:

1. My family; inclusive of extended

2. My church and our ministries (overseas and locally)

3. SMUPrayer

4. UNIFIRE

5. My friends

ok. that's it. I just had to write them down. =)

God's last known address

okay... in other news..

I miss Israel. =)

the cold weather, the sights and sounds. SIGHS. =)

Jerusalem, the most.

The feeling of waking up to something fantastic everyday. I love Israel.

Quick someone, send me home.

Tim- walk on water

Unanswered questions I look
but nothing's there
this searching of what
I am becoming isn’t clear
but You never give me up

All my failures and all the mess I make
can never separate me
from the love You give
Your plan has no mistakes

I hear Your voice,
and that’s enough for me to rise again
I will rejoice, in perfect strength I gain

Even through the storms
and crashing waves
the goodness of my God will keep me safe
so I’m taking steps on the water
for Your hand is holding me
every move I make will testify
Your miracles that none can deny
so I’m taking steps on the water
I no longer am afraid You’re with me

All my failures and all the mess I make
can never separate me
from the love You give
Your plan has no mistakes

I hear Your voice,
and that’s enough for me to rise again
I will rejoice, in perfect strength I gain

Even through the storms
and crashing waves
the goodness of my God will keep me safe
so I’m taking steps on the water
for Your hand is holding me
every move I make will testify
Your miracles that none can deny
so I’m taking steps on the water
I no longer am afraid You’re with me

Jesus You wipe the tears away
now I see it’s a brand new day
Jesus You are the only way
I’ll trust and obey

Even through the storms
and crashing waves
the goodness of my God will keep me safe
so I’m taking steps on the water
for Your hand is holding me
every move I make will testify
Your miracles that none can deny
so I’m taking steps on the water
I no longer am afraid You’re with me

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

LOL. yes well. in reference to title...

personal opinion: work and personal life shouldn't cross paths. this week has taught me how messy it can get. SHEESH. everyone should just be happy brothers and sisters and friends. oh happy valentine's day by the way.

another personal opinion: knowing too much uses up too much brain cells. I need them for mid terms. *need to create space*

also: can someone tell me how to be in 4 places at one time this saturday? 2 birthdays, 1 bbq and church AND I'm leading worship this saturday as well. Holy Spirit, help me?

ok, now that those are out of the way... in other news:
esther has BSM project+ naturalistic report, CAT project + report, nego and conflict res project stuff due this week + CAT and developmental psyc mid terms to study for this week.

oh and on top of that, I ALSO have a separate matter of the heart that I can't talk to anyone about and I need a miracle in terms of access to much funding and a venue for an upcoming event. =)


^_^ I love my life.

THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I surrender all.

p.s: intercession this thursday night!!! am looking forward to it! <3

at an LTM meeting now. my life seems to be filled with meetings, classes and lots of computer staring.

but still, I'm glad for the right people in my life. You just feel your energy levels rise again with these kinds of people. Michelle is one of them. Thanks hun!!!

Ash, nana, sher are also a bunch of wonderful people that know how to build up, encourage and support me. I thank God for them.

And then the old old friends from sec school and jc years are wonderful, refreshing people who never seem to change and who always come alongside me to make me smile when I'm stressed out. LOL. =) love you very much peeps!!!

and then there are new friends that i've made: such as the LTB group I'm mentoring now (refer to above), the heads of ACF and SMUSA, jae and charlie from MG, my LTM buddies, the new prayer team.... These new friends are just wonderful!!! =) I thank God every day for them!

okie dokies. I need sleep. but I'm still a little bit high! =)

thinking..

HMMM...

"this site is in construction"

I feel another song coming. =) hahaha.. CLARENCE!!! music!!!

love you all! God Bless!

Moment

=) decided to post the lyrics of a song that I wrote and clarence gave music to last sem:

Moment:

Tear drops falling from heaven
Rain drops down my cheek
The world seems upside down
No words left to speak

Sometimes it's too much to handle
Too much to even take
Everything seems so messed up
A shadow, a copy or fake

Chorus:
Then I saw Your beautiful face
And in that one moment, I realise
That the things I do
The things I say
They make You materialise

I know when I run this race
You will keep me safe
You will bring me family

I know when I run this race
To help me build my faith
You bring me family

one night with the king

Oh wow! the last time I blogged, was in June 2008! sheesh! almost a year on already!!!

So many things have changed and yet, some haven't.

I've been in SMU for two years now and everything just seems... worldly!?! confusing!?! exciting!?!

met newer people and have renewed friendships, learn more about others and about myself too.

hmm.. this year has been a year of: surprises.

that's one way to sum it up. And I've been missing loads of people. Don't you notice how it's at christmas or new year's that you seem to miss the people who are special in your life?

I miss: my cousins. park in young. acs peeps. lizzie, rose, and all those people I've met once but who've left such a lasting impression on me. those kinds of people.

I miss smiling more than crying too. =) maybe it's just school and stress and some funny circumstances but I wish I had those quiet times of happiness back again. =)

hmmm... one thing's for sure though- I'm really glad I'm in God's will and for Him putting me on a "collision course" of sorts with michelle, jermy, yuan mun, mervyn, eugene, jasmin, sara, zheng yue, david, clarence... this prayer team never ceases to amaze me. =) awesome men and women of God yo!!!! <3

hard but satisfying work. =) I want to see what else He has in store for me. =) an adventure? I just can't wait.

leaving you with an anointed vid. good night lovelies. =)