Perhaps I should have rearranged the bday wishlist in my last post.
What I NEED now:
1. Faith for the things the Lord has promised will happen
2. Hope that everything and everyone will pull through
3. Love for people whom I sometimes don't understand.
"and the greatest of these is...love" Teach me, O Lord.
WARNING: CONTENT BELOW CONSISTS OF PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF FAITH IS NOT STRONG.
It's not easy to describe the emotions and thoughts running through my head now at 2.30am, sitting awake, on my bed while my sister sleeps peacefully infront/ beside me.
Turmoil is the closest word I could dig up.
In all spheres of my life right now, except for one, I'm experiencing warfare. I need your prayers, above all, dearly beloved.
It'll be so much easier for me just to walk away from it all. From the little heartaches and pains you feel in daily life. From the arguments and fierce quarrels you sometimes have. The feelings of awkwardness and abandonment. Of resentment and anger. Of jealousy and frustration. Of love lost and sometimes thrown back at you. For the insensitivities of individuals. Sometimes for the feelings that accompany bad news or shocking information. If only I chose to walk away from it all...
These issues are real aren't they? Doesn't everyone grapple with them? Doesn't everyone want to find the way out of this? Isn't Christian life supposed to be victorious and not the temporary shelter of happiness one feels when in the company of people who understand this? I know...
But we still choose to fight, cause that's the only way we have to go. We're called soldiers, drafted into God's army for a reason right? We fight daily, every second, every minute so that the One that reigns supreme in our lives isn't us, but Him.
Increasingly, I feel pains that stab my heart. All alone, late at night. Hurting... for reasons I'm unaware of, until the right time they are revealed. O my soul, why art thou hurting so?
Michelle says it's the joy factor. I say, for my life that love=joy=strength. So for me, it's the love factor. People I love, perhaps.
OUCH. hit it dead centre on the head.
"And anytime, I don't know what to do... I will cast all my cares upon You."
Lord, I will cast all my cares upon You.
