You know (much) better than I

Was trying to publish two things at one time, but guess that a smart phone's capabilities are still limited. (or the user not so smart...lol!)

I loved Wendy's facebook status for today.


“If prayer is the pillar of a relationship that is being built with One who knows us better than we know ourselves, how deeply rooted are the pillars of hope and love that have never been driven again and again into the ground?” – RZIM

Also, I'm continuing my excerpts on hearing the voice of God extracted from Steve Schultz's book. (lol! macham like some speaker...) but I hope that you are encouraged as you read this even as I have been built up while reading this book (disclaimer: read this along with the Word of God and test it for yourselves. ^_^)

HEARING GOD SPEAK THROUGH YOUR "FATHER FILTER"

There's an important reason why my heavenly Father took me through the particular processes He did. I share this because there are lessons most people can derive from it. It also demonstrates why your process may differ from mine. Your heavenly Father will be faithful to continue to speak to you, correct you and encourage you- because He knows your history and the things you've suffered. 

In my case, I was afraid of my father. I want to be honest. He was a hard man, Don't misunderstand me; I loved him. He died in 1991 and I expect to see him in heaven someday because he got his heart right with God before his death. But I might as well be straight up about it- as a child, I was scared to death of him! And he intended to scare all six of us kids. That was his control factor. He had some pretty major issues. 

Only after I was married and had our first child, did he one day call me outside and confess some shocking things about his past that made me realise why he had become such a hard man. He had wanted to serve God, but had made many wrong decisions along the way. 

On top of all of that, my father was religious to the core, all his life- but not necessarily in a good way. More in a legalistic "I'm right-and-every-preacher-and-teacher-is-wrong" kind of way. With few exceptions, we learned that to my father, most preachers were OFF. And the more any preacher or Bible teacher spoke of grace, the more my father disliked him- and he made sure to let the six of us kids know all about it. 

My mother, all the while, worked hard as we grew up to provide us with a good home. I remember the hours and hours that she would slave over her sewing machine to make us clothes that we would otherwise be unable to afford. 

However, because my father never understood or appreciated God's grace, he was not a happy man. Oddly enough (and this was the contradiction that confuses many families and messes up their "God filters") even with my father; there were some good times too. You see, he actually knew how to give good gifts. 

Jesus explained it like this: "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!" (Matt: 7:11-12)

Christmas was my father's favourite holiday. We could be scared to death of him all year long, but one thing we knew- Christmas, however short-lived, was going to produce some great gifts and a few happy moments for each of us, even my father! Because of this contradiction, let's just say for me, God didn't have a good reputation. I knew He was kind and all that- to OTHERS. But to me, I expected to be chastised, corrected, punished, disciplined, and made to pay for my sins, because that's how my earthly father treated me. Oh, and there would be a few gifts from God, now and then, maybe once or twice a year. 

My wife's experience was quite different. Derene, at the age of six, was lovingly taken in by her aunt Floss and uncle Vic after her parents were killed in an automobile accident a few days before Christmas. Her aunt and uncle quickly became mom and dad to her and have been her parents ever since. Derene, although affectionately being raised by two sets of parents, developed another fear- a fear that God would take away those she loved. (Esther: -pause- I too struggle(d) with this issue. But I soon realised that this is a part of Satan's plan against women, cross reference this to an earlier blogpost from "Captivating" http://like-a-rose.blogspot.com/2011/08/battle.html#comment-form and you see that really, the Lord's plan for women is be secure in who they are in Him. ^_^)

Hadn't God already taken away her first set of parents? What was to prevent Him from taking others from her that she loved? Her children? Her husband? The wound was very deep and it took years of healing. So, like me, Derene was "Father wounded" too, just in a different way. 

The results of being afraid? When you're afraid of God, it affects your worship of Him. You want to love Him and you try to "get there", but something blocks you and you can't figure it out. Personally, that is Derene's and my story. That is until God began to speak to me. Because He knew our particular "father filters" and when the moment was right, spoke. (remainder of their stories are in the book. buy it to find it! lol) 

HEARING VERSUS OBEYING GOD'S VOICE

We've all been "beaten up" by well-meaning Christians and Christian leaders who told us we had to be better. Better behaved. More obedient. "Do what God tells you!" The thing is, I teach that and am teaching that to you right now. If you want to hear God speak more, then more often do what He tells you to do! Holiness is something God likes very much. The good news though: there is a provision when we aren't very holy. 

Here's the tricky part, though. Sometimes obeying God is done best by doing nothing. That's right. Nothing! But one of the the important things for those who are just learning to hear God speak is what NOT to do when He speaks. 

Strange isn't it? Ok, here's the story. It took place early on in my trek to hear God speak. I had only months before heard my first word from the Lord about the condition of my heart. You may remember me referring to this in the preceding chapter. (Story omitted for benefit of Steve Schultz and yourself. Get the book! lol) 

Now a few months later, a visiting minister spoke softly and said "first fruits" and that "The Lord says you are the first fruits. Everything that happens to your close family and friends will happen to you first" I was so encouraged by this word! In fact, I literally carried me for months- maybe years. Except for one mistake I made: I DID something with it. Proper obedience to that word would have been to do nothing. You see, there was no directive from God; it was only an encouragement that He was at work in my life. It was also an assurance that what I was seeing Him do for me, He would do for my family and friends as well. 

Of course, God was not taken by surprise. He knew I would learn through my mistakes and that this would be written about it so that you could benefit from my foolishness. The bottom line is that for the next 3 or 4 years, on and off, I would vigorously try to make a case for what God was doing with me- with many of my family members and friends, the ones I was certain God was speaking about. I was all over this and I was in their faces about it. 

The fruit of my "doing" so was terrible, if there was any fruit at all. Too many arguments, too many controversial discussions. Too much conflict. While I felt I was simply trying to OBEY, what I was really doing was DOING what I was not told to do. The fact was I wasn't told to do anything! God had simply encouraged me and given me a wonderful promise. 

Do yourself a favour, if God promises something great for your family- just love them and pray it in. Sure, you can speak up for the Lord now and then- in love, but leave the rest to the Lord. If God speaks a promise to you, then accept the promise, thank Him for it, and pray it in even if it takes years. (Esther: haha. the quiet corrections of wisdom. my heart acknowledges that I knew that his timing was not right yet and that I should have prayed MORE. But, I was given a promise nonetheless before that and now the directive is to surrender cause He loves him MORE. ^_^) 

One gray haired man in the church counselled me around that same time; he did so lovingly yet firmly. As I sat in his beach house, he asked me "who told YOU to play Holy Spirit?" Wow! What a new thought that was to me. I guess I'd always thought we were to be "Christ" to others. Well, yes and no. We are to love as Christ loved, but we can't change a person's heart. (Esther: amen!)  We can only love a person. Only God can change a person's heart. (Esther: GIG! This was the breakthrough point for you. They are coming to the Lord cause you LOVE THEM and they are responding to the Father's call. <3) So to obey in the most effective way sometimes means to do nothing.

God wants you to believe He is speaking through circumstances, "coincidences", His faithfulness, divine protection and divine provision (Esther: Amen!) Just remember to let God be God. He is really good at doing HIS JOB! =)


Be encouraged this mid-week! God speaks and He lives! =)

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Godliness with contentment

...is great gain. =)

I love God's little life lessons. =)

The commute home from work seems to always be the best time for God to speak to me. Today His voice brought lessons to me that reminded me of His faithfulness in my life.

A dear GIG was sharing with me her apprehension of coming home from exchange and the feelings of fear that she is experiencing as she heads home. Reverse cultural shock? New, old friends and just the feeling that you will miss someone who made your exchange experience oh so very special. Lol. Sounds familiar.

Seemed to highlight to me one of the repeating lessons about God for women- if He ain't your All in All, a part of you will still ache and miss a human being's presence (which is normal) but that highlights one thing- you need to examine your relationship with God. Cause He wasn't ENOUGH. And He should be...MORE THAN ENOUGH.

It happened to me, post- exchange. I went into a self-imposed depression. (usually is) cause I couldn't see what lesson God could possibly want me to learn. ^_^

The same lesson repeated again in the latter part of the year. Loss and lack often amplify our weakness- to be unable to do ANYTHING of ourselves in this world, except through the "true vine". I had to surrender. It wasn't my choice- but to love someone literally means to "always hope and always trust" which meant respecting and trusting his decisions were thought through for two people and not just for his own self and also hoping that he is well even though you can't be there for him anymore. (I can say though, I sure wasn't happy about it at first. Also, I cannot stop loving someone just because of circumstances. The bible tells us to lay down our lives for our brothers. And I sure as heck am going to lay down my own life- whatever plans or dreams, etc that I had of our relationship... Out of honouring his decisions.) But it isn't my place to question him or God. Lol. I just had to learn that my trust wasn't in man but that I had to place it simply in the Ancient of days and let go.

I had to learn that my contentment in being single again was nothing of any difference as to how I lived before that- I was already happily in LOVE! The Lover of my soul had already captivated me and spoken to me long before man did. And I was content. I AM content. ^_^

I was sharing with this GIG of the concept that God is really the only plug for our gaps. There is really nothing anyone can do to aid in the loss of a friend, relationship, experience or memories you hold dear. Only finding your joy (which becomes strength ^_^) in our Saviour and King of Kings.

All these are much easier to say on hindsight. Lol. I can tell you that. Most of you know I was created without the capacity to hide my emotions. Hahaha. You get what you see. Pretty much. Dreams on the other hand...lol!!!

But anyway, emotions and many times- tears, are perfectly normal GIG. It is how a human being processes the deepest hurts inflicted upon a human soul. Jesus wept. And was under so much pain and pressure that he began to bleed from His capillaries. He bled those drops and shed those tears for you and me. He knew how it felt.

I guess many christians walk through this life not understanding the concept of being pardoned ENTIRELY for any and all sins (except ONE- must put disclaimer here for all the bible scholars out there, later kena shot. Haha. The sin against the Holy Spirit is the "sin unto death". Having heard what He told you and deliberately disobeying and denying that His voice ever existed and that He is alive and at work speaking to EVERY believer today.) It was a terribly painful death that Jesus chose to die. But He did it for you and I. Cause we cannot then say that "He never understood" cause He did. Every single ounce of pain you and I feel in this world was mirrorred and felt by someone who loved us so much...He cried. And he died for us. Who do you know in your circle of loved ones who would DIE for you? (bruno mars not counted. He and his grenade catching tendencies...)

Just remember this simple thing, friends- "Nothing you can DO can make Him love you MORE. Nothing that you've DONE could make Him CLOSE the door. Because of His great love, He gave His only Son- and everything was done so YOU would come." <3

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Honest Conversations with God

I must say, it's been some time between posts- but you'll forgive me. I've had much to learn in these 2 months. =) 


Thank you High Praise Assembly Ipoh, Judah Praise Center Marysville Washington, Intercessors and IAM papas and mamas. There is no way of expressing my or my family's gratitude towards all of you for your love, prayers and reminders of the Lord's work in our lives. 


I was actually inspired by some wonderful Girlfriends In God- Joycie, Amie and Wendy namely, to continue to "blog for the Lord". Your blog posts, dearest friends- are wonderful reflections of life, love and your walk with God. =) thank you for blogging continuously through this time. 


As in my last post, I know the Lord has been re-teaching me all of His basics and foundational truths from scratch. I have been learning how to hear God speak in my life all over again through these two months and also learnt what it is to experience being pursued by the King of kings every single morning. 


He has been teaching me the difference between "knowing Him" and "knowing His will" for my life. The latter is completely irrelevant without the former; I would never be able to boldly stand before Kings and speak to them the Father's will if I don't know His heart. I would never be able to handle people with His love, without knowing Him and this obviously led to the reason I was not even able to be patient or kind or not self-seeking. 


The following statement out of my morning devotions (from GIG) moved my heart and sent me towards seeking the Lord's face. 


"The real issue in life is not the search for God's will; it is the search for God. The issue in faith is not knowing what God is doing, rather it is knowing that God knows what he is doing. The issue of faith is seeking God's presence, not God's plan for my life, because there is no plan outside of my knowing him."


What MORE could I ask for than the presence of my King? Everything else truly pales in comparison. Another quote from a book that I love is this "God is the ultimate 'addiction'. The more He talks, the more you want to hear Him talk. You become, in essence, 'addicted' to the sound of His voice." =)


The Lord has led me to another great book- "Can't you talk louder God?" -Steve Schultz, in this season and I would like to share a part here to encourage one of my GIGs. You are not alone in this life dear sister. =) "He never leaves you nor forsakes you." And as long as the Lord wills that I walk beside you, I will. ^_^

So what does He sound like?


Sometimes, God holds Himself back, almost hiding Himself because as one pastor puts it, "He wants you to chase Him until He catches you!" [esther: HAHAHA! AMEN!]


"It is the glory of God to conceal a thing, but the honour of kings is to search out a matter."  (Provs 25:2)


He may reveal Himself as that "still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12) He is the One who must be carefully discerned and sought out with all your heart- to know His will. "But if  from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find Him, if thou seek Him with all thy heart and with all thy soul." (Deut 4:29) 


"And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. (1 Kings 19:12) 


And yet at other times, He shows Himself in thunderings. "The people therefore, that stood by, and heard it, said that it thundered." John 12:29) Still at other times, He is to you the Creator who says "You have not because you ask not. (James 4:2) He who wants to have a special and personal relationship with you, needs you to seek Him for it:


"Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto You." (John 15:15) 


In His personal story, Jesus' mother Mary appears to "ambush" her own son at a wedding party one day. I love that Jesus' ministry started at a celebration with rejoicing (esther: heehee. me too!!! ^_^) He is our bridegroom, is He not? Sometimes great things happen in very unusual places-even at weddings. 


"God with skin on"- Jesus- claiming that His time had not yet come, was there with His mother at the wedding. Perhaps Mary hadheard the Father's voice tell her something that morning. Perhaps Jesus was justtesting her level of belief when He refused to help her at first. This would NOT be the last time He would first pretend to refuse help and then would later give that help. (Later in His ministry, Jesus would pretend not to help the woman at Tyre for example. But, when He had tested her faith, He instantly healed her daughter.) 


But this is for sure what happened at the wedding party in Cana: Jesus'mother, after telling Jesus that the wine wasgone, said to the servants, "Do whatever He tells you" (John 2:5) God is still saying "If you listen and do what I tell you to do, things will go on so much better for you! You'll be like a house built on solid rock, if you'll just hear and do what I'm telling you to do."


My goodness! He loves to talk to people! If you think satan's an incessant talker, he has nothing on the Father, Son and Holy Spirit! They are the Ones who created talking in the first place. And they never stop talking- The Holy Spirit literally lives inside of you! 


I can state what your situation is as a fact, because it is everyone's situation. Everyone hears the lying voice of the enemy. Everyone!


Satan is always in your face, like a roaring lion- lying. He is always asking you, "Did God REALLY say that to you?" or "Aren't you just making that up in your mind- those words you feel God is speaking to you? Aren't those times you felt God speak to you, just your vivid imagination at work?" 


Meanwhile God, the other kind of Lion, the Lion of Judah, comes to you in whatever fashion He chooses; as thunder, or in the still small voice, in a vision, a simple impression; in scripture or in a dream in the night. He waits, usually patiently (but not always patiently) to be invited into your mind, your thoughts, your heart and your life.

Be encouraged my dearest GIG. =) He speaks to you now. He is waiting to catch you as you chase after Him. ^_^


And He has not stopped trying to capture me. Through dreams, visions, his still small voice, books, people, His tangible presence and my most valuable possession in the whole world- His Word. 

Jehovah Jireh

Jehovah Jireh, my Provider- You are more than enough for me.
Jehovah Rapha, You're my healer- by Your stripes I've been set free
Jehovah Shammah, You are with me- to supply all my need
You're more than enough, more than enough for me.

I cried (again) in the hospital tonight. Once briefly with Amie but really buckets thereafter with my family.

Walking in faith with the Lord is truly the best decision I ever made in this lifetime.
What He promises, He delivers.

I cannot believe that my SSCG family whom I love to bits already would be led by the Lord to give my family $900 to help out with costs in my home.

I knew my friends just started working, I knew some of them are also living by faith- but it was almost as if the 2 mites by the widow that were offered up to the Lord, came back to me in the most beautiful and touching way possible.

Oh, dear friends you have no idea how much it means to me to have received that gift. I finally understood what "love gift" meant. And it brought so much gratitude and praise to the King because of your simple act of love towards me and my family.

It has been hard on my faith, although...I find I grow stronger every year. But...more importantly, it healed my heart.

He was the only One who answered my call for provision in 2009 to prove to me that He would provide for my family if I followed Him. He is the same God that answered me in diamonds, my job and now your touching love gift. I sing praises to His name Alone.

It brought healing to some memories as well, I have never had to ask friends for money- but a brother whom I loved and was with for some time, provided some cash once to tie my family over before. This person whom I loved and respected was a channel of God's blessing to me for a year and a half. But I surrendered him.

Your gift reassured me that God will find all means and ways to pursue me, and that He knows my needs and how to plug those gaps the most. Did you know that you brought closure to me too? God, and not man has always been the source of supply for my family, and I thank you all for showing me that.

Helplessness and desperation= God's best material to be used.

I give You all the Glory and honor and praise in my circumstances and I thank You for your daily miracles in my life. Use me, mould me- completely.