You're never alone, you know?

Your heart will lead you home- Tigger Movie  =)

I decided to dedicate this song to Sher Sher and Wong Wei Han. =) 

Running through my head:

Trying to get to sleep with a stuffy nose and higher than normal body temperature is not as easy as it seems. LOL. But I will get there eventually. 

Time off to think has resulted in very interesting thought bubbles. 

Someone once asked me what love was to me. (I believe it was you, wwh)

I remember I always answer with 1 Corinthians 13. =) and yes after thinking about it, I still stand with my answer. 

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I find it interesting as to why it has to start off with "love is patient". More often than not, patience is the true indicator as to whether a relationship or a friendship will work out. I know that friendships that I've had for more than 7 years (GASP! so long already?) i.e. 10-14 year friendships were the result of patiently waiting for each other, tolerating long periods of absences (i.e. sheryl baey... ^^) and well, looking at a person's season. (the "IN" word now because of you, koh yu ren)

I can honestly say that it SEEMED as though my first relationship was right. It FELT right for a period of time. But guess what? The patience required to work it through was not there. And when we walk with God, we realise these matters quicker than you can say "SEASON". 

But I'm glad for that experience. I think it taught me a lot about the character of God. He'll let you do it, to discover for yourself that what He said previously was right. LOL. It taught me a lot about my reactions to situations and circumstances too. And I realise that I became more guarded about everything after that first relationship. The ability to let myself just be myself in the presence of someone I admired/ liked became exceedingly difficult. But that was what 3 years of time and distance apart did to me, and also to him. Which totally did not keep with "Love always trusts"; and resulted in the eventual drifting apart.

Someone once told me, many moons back that "we're meant to be together, NOW". I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So, if we're meant to be together NOW, it meant that in the future we weren't? LOL. The sad thing was, I kinda liked him back a little and almost deluded myself into thinking through it. =) thank God for sisters and friends who care. 

Life experiences with relationships taught me a lot about myself. Very importantly, it made me realise what I most definitely DID NOT want in a relationship. And the first thing I knew I didn't want was a relationship where two people are so awkward with each other, almost as if there were barriers that were erected along the way that was a result of unspoken words and thoughts and feelings. Most of the time though, it was my fault, cause I put them there first to protect myself from being hurt (again).

When I was praying with Tim this week, we talked about lessons we're learning from our parents; one of them was the fact that "Love keeps no record of wrongs". The ability to forgive, and to continuously do it by examining our hearts is very important to help heal and bridge gaps. We've learnt that old, unresolved wounds fester and bleed into the future. It's better to resolve something upfront in the present rather than keep it quiet/ sweep it under a rug and ignore it. 

I've also realised that another aspect of love is that fact is that it is not "easily angered". I realised that, just as the bible says, my tongue needs to be bridled.  It is a dangerous weapon- both in the good and bad sense. Used with the wrong intentions or context and it can kill or destroy. Used right and it can protect and defend love. It is interesting as to how people can so easily forget this in relationships. After the "honeymoon" period, a lot of couples I know used this weapon in the former rather than latter way. 

I realise that I'm still learning. =P 

And that having friends who tell you things like "you need friends who pray seriously and earnestly about the relationships in your life. I pray for you about this!" (thank you ellie!) really helps. Ellie also taught me something interesting; what her cell leader said to her about relationships. "The girl's role is always to wait and pray, she has to be diligent in doing her tasks until the right time and right person comes into her life. The guy's role is to learn to take up the courage to ask when he's done all his cross checking with God and his community. If both parties only wait, nothing happens. In the same way, if both parties chiong, that's when a trail of broken hearts are left behind". 


There is a form of mutual understanding between God and me and my community. =) Which I like. Godly Counsel will confirm if it is indeed my season for the various things in my life. And I've always checked. Mummy and Daddy have been 99.5% accurate most of the time about friends, my life (and also about relationships). So thank you! (Fluffy and pretz too. =S)

In a separate issue, lately I've been feeling that the season of drought in my life is over. I have begun to feel the fresh rain of the Holy Spirit once again. This restoration is beyond what I've ever experienced in times past. It's been happening to me on three levels; physically, financially and emotionally. 

But *note to self*, knowing when to flower in Spring is important too. (Or season a chicken. Or when to drink Seasons Ice Tea. Or when the season parking expires. hahahaha.) being in the right place at the wrong time is still wrong. LOL.

I need to sleep. I need to get well quick. I need a spa day. I need a massage. And I most definitely need You, Jesus. More than the air that I breathe. You are my first love. 

Teach me how to love like You. =)