"I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return."
It's interesting how this song has been on repeat for me. (owing to the fact that Lydia started it)
But this week has been a week of struggling through for me.
Learning to live on one's own, i.e. AWAY from it all... is both exciting and challenging. And right now, it's the challenging part. A bit of emo-ness from separation, a bit of confusion at the culture, a bit of wanting to see people I really love face to face and not through the video camera or through pictures, a bit of wanting something more... but not knowing what it is...
Even so, there are lessons to be learnt.
I had no idea why I'm in Korea, to be honest. I wanted to go to the USA, Australia or to the UK, Ireland- countries where the language would not be a barrier. And where I would be staying with family friends or family to help ease me into a culture. Places I knew I would excel and do well, explore and run free.
I always thought I was so adventurous and daring. A new place, a new face, a new culture would be okay for me. But, I realised that I found myself to be cowardly and lazy and ended up disliking parts of myself I thought I had conquered previously.
I can only say that it's an awesome time of self-discovery.
1. I always thought I was able to cope with mixing around with everyone and be fine. But guess what? I need my close friends and quiet times a lot more than I had previously valued it.
I found myself adventurous as long as I had someone else to do it with; which is a big difference from thinking I was independent and capable of taking initiative.
2. I'm learning to become more determined in my goals.
I wanted to come to Korea to break through in a couple of my own physical barriers. And this in itself is difficult. The prioritising and making sure I complete the task is a lot harder than I thought. I constantly have to find my motivating factor in order to ignore curious and sometimes critical glances as I go about trying to change myself. It is so much easier in Singapore, I guarantee you.
3. I'm learning that the content and the depth of the thought process matters a lot.
People in Sogang really study HARD to EARN the knowledge, not just to pass a course- like in SMU. It's a different mindset. They're out to change things around them. Which has now resulted in all the exchange students really taking our courses seriously. To pass for SMU is a C which is a 65. In Sogang, it's one full grade up. 75 is a C. So I need to score at least 75 for all my courses in order to clear them in SMU. =_="
4. Quiet time is uncomfortable but necessary.
I face a lot of alone time here, unlike at home being inundated with information and people all the time. It is uncomfortable cause I have no clue who to "help" or "do things" for. Then I realise, I have been neglecting the Holy Spirit and my time with God while being so busy. Try monitoring your thoughts for a day and see if you can focus only on Him. =S it's really difficult if you don't love Him truly. hahaha. And guess what, it tests the condition of my heart.
Church:
I visited the Every Nation Church Korea this last weekend. I felt so much for Pastors Simon and Kristen. Pastor Simon is a legend, but he never publicises it. His heart for the ministry is amazing. They came all the way from the USA to help north korean orphans whose mothers got killed crossing the border from North Korea. Not only that, they have hushed shelters housing north korean refugees in China and one got busted recently. Can you imagine how much trust and faith they have to have in the Lord for all of these things to go well? They are really wonderful people.
Even then, you could see the stresses and strains. As a Minister's kid, you understand the struggles of the family. They're native Korean and yet, they face the same issues we often do as a small group, when they were called from North Carolina to start a church in Korea- discrimmination. (will not go indepth here, skype me for full story)
They have three children (2 boys and a girl; one of them reminds me of you, Peter! then I started missing you and wanted to give him a hug)and I saw how they were like-just like how we were growing up. You can't help but feel love and compassion for the family. Once again, it's tough being the pastor's wife, but I could feel Pastor Kristen's fatigue and exhaustion living by faith. =) I so wanted to give that woman a hug.
We covered Genesis 22. And I had to control my tears so many times. The classic tale of Abraham having to obey God above all his human circumstances and feelings was a wake up call to me. Pastor Simon made a couple of points leap out at me in church.
1. Abraham had waited all his life for Issac. 100 years to be exact.
2. Isaac was Abraham's ONLY CHILD. can you imagine how much he was loved?
3. When they headed out to Mount Moriah, it was a 3 day journey. Can you imagine how much father-son bonding was going on in those 3 days?
4. Abraham had so much faith in God that he believed God would look after Isaac no matter what. That even if Isaac was killed, God would be able to resurrect his son.
5. Isaac did not struggle. Isaac was 15-19 and Abraham was 115. He could have easily run away. But he didn't. He lived in absolute obedience to his father's will. (sounds familiar? Jesus knew the same thing)
6. Who was God trying to show Abraham's faith to? Isaac. So that the God of his father would become his OWN. (God doesn't have grandchildren, only sons and daughters) This was the day that Isaac saw the absolute faith and obedience his father had towards Jehovah.
7. Fathers and mothers or we when we become parents need to mirror this to our children; so that they will know our seriousness about following God. Only then, will children understand the seriousness of our faith; that we will give up EVERYTHING just to follow Jesus.
Wow. A lot to think about. A friend just asked me to get a mirror if I wanted to self-reflect! LOL!!! that was what I said last term! So funny! =) good la. God is working in my life. I'll see you amigos and chicas soon.
Love you!
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