"It's a lazy afternoon..." the old song's lyrics sing out to me. Contrasted with the busy-ness of the flashing computer screen, the tons of homework, readings and TA stuff I have to accomplish, I find myself strangely staring out at the big blue sky. And missing. You.
It's a mysterious sensation, this constant aspiration to know what you're thinking and what you're feeling at this very second. The rare occasions of awkward but easy conversation with you, the mere sight of you in the distance or in pictures. Even just knowing that you are happy and busy somewhere in a life that I can't just slip myself into. You let me glimpse, but do not allow me into your world.
It is odd because of the words I choose to say.
The people I tell "time will bring you the right person". And yet, I find myself caught in the same sticky situation of accidentally but surely "falling in love" with this someone. Someone I'm not even sure is THE ONE.
Perhaps, it's just a passing phase- can someone tell me if years constitute a phase or a season... or is it really, love?
Feelings of fear and anticipation at your knowing of what I truly feel for you. But you don't know that you are loved or liked or even remotely viewed this way by me. Especially by me. Others may know. Some have showed they do. But still...
I read aloud 1 Corinthians 13 to myself yesterday, to remind me of what true love is. I keep trying to think if I'm being self-seeking if I just went up to you and told you the truth. If I'm not being patient by waiting this out.
But I'm not sure of your reply, your reaction, your answers- and I stop myself from saying anything. But then the words get caught in my mouth anyway.
This frustrating place to be deprives me of sleep some nights while sending me off to bed with a smile on others.
Julie Andrew's voice has always been the most expressive and inspirational to me, and so I leave you with a song.
If I loved you- Julie Andrews
If I loved you,
Time and again I would try to say
All I'd want you to know.
If I loved you,
Words wouldn't come in an easy way
Round in circles I'd go!
Longin' to tell you,
But afraid and shy,
I'd let my golden chances pass me by!
Soon you'd leave me,
Off you would go in the mist of day,
Never, never to know how I loved you
If I loved you.
Time and again I would try to say
All I'd want you to know.
If I loved you,
Words wouldn't come in an easy way
Round in circles I'd go!
Longin' to tell you,
But afraid and shy,
I'd let my golden chances pass me by!
Soon you'd leave me,
Off you would go in the mist of day,
Never, never to know how I loved you
If I loved you.
